Post by Nicholas Carson on Sept 3, 2011 2:49:50 GMT -5
The shot opens up to the Outcasts huddled together right outside the gym door, with said door open. Some whisper, some point, but TPK seems to be conversing well with his wife and new yet to be named adopted son/waffle iron. What our cast of heels are doing is scoping out the hot chicks in the gym, all of them working as backstage hands and the like now, but someday might make it big. Those hoes have to start somewhere, right? But, naturally, all good things end with a rude interruption, this one being in the form of Charlie Coors himself, who walks right on up with mic in hand and clears his throat to get their attention. After weathering the storm of protests from the Outcasts, Coors quickly regains is composure, clears his throat again, and begins doing what he is paid to do.
Coors: "I'm sorry for interrupting but I really need to get a word form you guys. I mean, you're the Outcasts, the biggest thing going right now, but that may soon change. It seems like week in and week out we're taken on a roller coaster ride, and now there's a invasion going on, a British invasion, and you guys have been unusually quiet on the matter. What gives?"
Big Nicky quickly pipes in with a bit of anger to his tone, obviously none too pleased with Hughes and his band of merry men arriving on the scene, and also hating Coors for killing his boner.
Nicholas: "Last week or the week before, I forget which cause I have been high since then, apparently Ryan Hughes showed his crooked face back in GHW, and he brought a few bloody blokes with him. An invasion. Right. Oh well, what can I say? Those who don't learn from history are doomed to repeat it? last time the Brits tried to invade America, we destroyed them, right? See, Coors, Ryan is alot like Dominik, he spits out half truths. Hey, fans, boo him all you want but he does have a point. America is a lazy, arrogant, stupid, amazingly mindless country. For fuck sakes we elected a Muslim as President simply because he was black, and we've been at war with Muslims since the mid 90's, long before 9/11. That is how incredibly idiotic my country is, and for once I am ashamed to say I ever wore the uniform of a United States Soldier."
Those in attendance viewing the segment on the HonorTron unleash all hell at Carson, almost jeering the walls down around him.
"But that's the ironic thing, Coors. For all Ryan's hoopla about how great Brits are; how they're smarter, better looking, and better athletes, blah fucking blah, he left himself open to look like a complete fucking idiot on a scale much larger than this shitty country. So, please, Coors, allow me to correct Mr. Hughes. Let's see, in the World Academic Rankings, which covers Reading, Maths, and Science, Ryan's precious Brits are ranked 20th, while the USA is ranked 14th. So much for the 'we're smarter' pitch, huh Coors? Do you like athletics, Charlie Coors? I do, and it's another topic Ryan thinks his brilliant Brits are better at. Oh wait, awwww I'm sorry Hughes, go look at the Olympic table of medals all time. Wait, I'll just tell you now. America has won more medals than those amazing Brits, to a tune of 2,549 to 737. Oh and the only handsome man to ever come out of that shitland over there was Bond, James Bond. Basically what it boils down to is this, America is shitty but even on our shittiest day, we're better than the Brits on their best day. Churchill was a pulsing pink pussy whose only claim to fame really is getting bailed out of WWII by the Red, White, and Blue. The Queen is a cum guzzling twat muscle cock holster and smells like a big bag of smashed assholes. When it comes to fighting, well let's just say that the Brits are known for retreating with their tails between their legs by people who are strategically inferior to them. God save the Queen my ass. Give me 5 seconds with her and I'd rip her ugly face off and fashion a fucking lamp shade out of it, or make a cool mask like Jaggeroth's. Now as for Scotland, well all I need to say is..."
Nicholas simply smirks.
"William Wallace was a fagot."
The rest of the Outcasts laugh and slap Big Nicky on the back, as Coors quickly moves along.
"Be that as it may, Nick, the Chief Batmanite does have a faction together, and he is a legend. That's gotta present a threat, even to the likes of you and the rest of your friends here."
"Not really. He is not a natural leader, he doesn't have that certain intangible that make men leaders. Case in point, the original Outcasts. The great Ryan Hughes orchestrated the biggest overthrow of power in wrestling history, gained supreme rule over the deadliest and most feared faction at that time, and then did absolutely NOTHING with it. What was it, something like two weeks later and the group was dead? Ryan could have and indeed wanted to keep on ripping through the fed, but couldn't because he lacked solid leadership qualities. In order to be a good leader, you have to lead by example, and so far he hasn't done jack crickety shit."
Coors tries to cut in, but this time Delta bucks up and slaps Nick on the shoulder, letting him know he can take it from here.
Delta:" I know what you're gonna say next, Coors. You're gonna spout off about Purest, Cobain, and Rayne. Right? Ah ah, let me ask you something. What has this Marcus Rayne done?"
After pondering a few moments, Coors answers.
"Well, nothing yet I guess. But he might be a guy to watch out for."
"Wrong. He has done something, two things actually. He high fived Ryan Hughes and wasted about 2 minutes of mic time that we'll never get back. He's a hot shot wannabe but keep dreamin cause a hot shot is something he'll never be. And the Purest? Congrats Ryan, you brought a guy in who can't do shit in the ring but boy oh boy I bet he can make a damn good website design, when he's not off banging sheep. Cobain? A dead rock star? I'd really like to know how you pulled that one off, cause that's actually a pretty cool trick."
Realizing Delta's error, Millson chimes in and take center stage, laughing a bit.
"No, that's Kurt Cobain. But hey, Corrin, you can save yourself alot of agony by taking the steps Kurt did, and just kill yourself now. Like the song says, 'Suicide is Painless'. Or you can truck along in this ill fated LOLinvasion and get the shit killed out of you by us, either way the end will be the same. Ain't that right, TPK? Ummmm, TPK?"
The men look to their left and to their shock, TPK is standing by the gym door surrounded by those hot chicks they were perving on earlier. The beautiful and sweaty ladies are petting his wife and child, and yes these women are dumb and blonde, while he charms them with his quick wits and funny jokes. Coors' time for interviewing is running short so he gets in a last question.
"Last question. This one is for Nick. Kahlan had sex with Smarky, your thoughts?"
The Outcasts give Charlie a stern glare as Nicky instantly becomes enraged, his breathing heavy and his nostrils flared and snorting.
"My thoughts? MY THOUGHTS? My thoughts, Coors, will be translated into actions later tonight in that ring with Freebird McCoy. So, Smarky, pay attention to it. This interview is over."
With that, he storms away as his brothers try to run after him and console him due to his broken heart.
EOT
Coors: "I'm sorry for interrupting but I really need to get a word form you guys. I mean, you're the Outcasts, the biggest thing going right now, but that may soon change. It seems like week in and week out we're taken on a roller coaster ride, and now there's a invasion going on, a British invasion, and you guys have been unusually quiet on the matter. What gives?"
Big Nicky quickly pipes in with a bit of anger to his tone, obviously none too pleased with Hughes and his band of merry men arriving on the scene, and also hating Coors for killing his boner.
Nicholas: "Last week or the week before, I forget which cause I have been high since then, apparently Ryan Hughes showed his crooked face back in GHW, and he brought a few bloody blokes with him. An invasion. Right. Oh well, what can I say? Those who don't learn from history are doomed to repeat it? last time the Brits tried to invade America, we destroyed them, right? See, Coors, Ryan is alot like Dominik, he spits out half truths. Hey, fans, boo him all you want but he does have a point. America is a lazy, arrogant, stupid, amazingly mindless country. For fuck sakes we elected a Muslim as President simply because he was black, and we've been at war with Muslims since the mid 90's, long before 9/11. That is how incredibly idiotic my country is, and for once I am ashamed to say I ever wore the uniform of a United States Soldier."
Those in attendance viewing the segment on the HonorTron unleash all hell at Carson, almost jeering the walls down around him.
"But that's the ironic thing, Coors. For all Ryan's hoopla about how great Brits are; how they're smarter, better looking, and better athletes, blah fucking blah, he left himself open to look like a complete fucking idiot on a scale much larger than this shitty country. So, please, Coors, allow me to correct Mr. Hughes. Let's see, in the World Academic Rankings, which covers Reading, Maths, and Science, Ryan's precious Brits are ranked 20th, while the USA is ranked 14th. So much for the 'we're smarter' pitch, huh Coors? Do you like athletics, Charlie Coors? I do, and it's another topic Ryan thinks his brilliant Brits are better at. Oh wait, awwww I'm sorry Hughes, go look at the Olympic table of medals all time. Wait, I'll just tell you now. America has won more medals than those amazing Brits, to a tune of 2,549 to 737. Oh and the only handsome man to ever come out of that shitland over there was Bond, James Bond. Basically what it boils down to is this, America is shitty but even on our shittiest day, we're better than the Brits on their best day. Churchill was a pulsing pink pussy whose only claim to fame really is getting bailed out of WWII by the Red, White, and Blue. The Queen is a cum guzzling twat muscle cock holster and smells like a big bag of smashed assholes. When it comes to fighting, well let's just say that the Brits are known for retreating with their tails between their legs by people who are strategically inferior to them. God save the Queen my ass. Give me 5 seconds with her and I'd rip her ugly face off and fashion a fucking lamp shade out of it, or make a cool mask like Jaggeroth's. Now as for Scotland, well all I need to say is..."
Nicholas simply smirks.
"William Wallace was a fagot."
The rest of the Outcasts laugh and slap Big Nicky on the back, as Coors quickly moves along.
"Be that as it may, Nick, the Chief Batmanite does have a faction together, and he is a legend. That's gotta present a threat, even to the likes of you and the rest of your friends here."
"Not really. He is not a natural leader, he doesn't have that certain intangible that make men leaders. Case in point, the original Outcasts. The great Ryan Hughes orchestrated the biggest overthrow of power in wrestling history, gained supreme rule over the deadliest and most feared faction at that time, and then did absolutely NOTHING with it. What was it, something like two weeks later and the group was dead? Ryan could have and indeed wanted to keep on ripping through the fed, but couldn't because he lacked solid leadership qualities. In order to be a good leader, you have to lead by example, and so far he hasn't done jack crickety shit."
Coors tries to cut in, but this time Delta bucks up and slaps Nick on the shoulder, letting him know he can take it from here.
Delta:" I know what you're gonna say next, Coors. You're gonna spout off about Purest, Cobain, and Rayne. Right? Ah ah, let me ask you something. What has this Marcus Rayne done?"
After pondering a few moments, Coors answers.
"Well, nothing yet I guess. But he might be a guy to watch out for."
"Wrong. He has done something, two things actually. He high fived Ryan Hughes and wasted about 2 minutes of mic time that we'll never get back. He's a hot shot wannabe but keep dreamin cause a hot shot is something he'll never be. And the Purest? Congrats Ryan, you brought a guy in who can't do shit in the ring but boy oh boy I bet he can make a damn good website design, when he's not off banging sheep. Cobain? A dead rock star? I'd really like to know how you pulled that one off, cause that's actually a pretty cool trick."
Realizing Delta's error, Millson chimes in and take center stage, laughing a bit.
"No, that's Kurt Cobain. But hey, Corrin, you can save yourself alot of agony by taking the steps Kurt did, and just kill yourself now. Like the song says, 'Suicide is Painless'. Or you can truck along in this ill fated LOLinvasion and get the shit killed out of you by us, either way the end will be the same. Ain't that right, TPK? Ummmm, TPK?"
The men look to their left and to their shock, TPK is standing by the gym door surrounded by those hot chicks they were perving on earlier. The beautiful and sweaty ladies are petting his wife and child, and yes these women are dumb and blonde, while he charms them with his quick wits and funny jokes. Coors' time for interviewing is running short so he gets in a last question.
"Last question. This one is for Nick. Kahlan had sex with Smarky, your thoughts?"
The Outcasts give Charlie a stern glare as Nicky instantly becomes enraged, his breathing heavy and his nostrils flared and snorting.
"My thoughts? MY THOUGHTS? My thoughts, Coors, will be translated into actions later tonight in that ring with Freebird McCoy. So, Smarky, pay attention to it. This interview is over."
With that, he storms away as his brothers try to run after him and console him due to his broken heart.
EOT
