Wolverina vs Kahlan (Hell in a Cell: TV Title)

[Jaggeroth's wench.]

The fans settle back into their seats after being out of them for most of the first bout, which saw Jack Tracks go all out against the much talked about but not really hyped Mystery Opponent. None the less, the match rocked, but nothing like the coming one will. The Honor-tron flickers to life, drawing the attention of all as it airs a hype-promo of the saga between Kahlan and Wolverina. The video package goes back three years, to where it all began, with Kahlan standing over Haven with her foot upon her chest while the referee counts the one-two-three. From there it travels to TIW, the Last Woman Standing Match, where again we see the Ladder Queen victorious over an unconcious Wolverina, this time with her straddled over the Nebraskan with arms outstretched, mocking her famous pose as the ref shouts "TEN" and signals for the bell. As the music to the video cranks up more, the action does to, speeding through the other contests between the two women which sees Kahlan emerging triumphant by hook or crook each time, until finally it culminates with the skull shattering chair shot and Dreamer's three count just days ago, which gave Kahlan the win and Television Title. Then it suddenly ends, and for a scant few moments there's nothing but silence until Coors takes center stage in the ring.

"G-H-Dubya, it is time!"

His line prompts a thunderous eruption from the crowd, a noise level so high that every nook and cranny of the building shakes and possibly registers on the richter scale. GHW's resident stoner boy can only smile and nod before continuing his duties.

"The following contest is for the GHW Television Championship, and will be fought in the confines of HELL IN A CELL!!!!!!!! In addition to the cell, the following stipulations have been added. If Kahlan wins, Wolverina must become her personal servant, her BITCH for all eternity. However, if Wolverina wins, Kahlan will be stripped of her New Age Title shot and said shot shall be awarded to Wolverina. If anybody interferes on either combatants behalf, they along with the competitor they aided shall be terminated immediately and never allowed to compete in GHW again. "

Again the ovation from GHW's loyal clientele is ungodly loud, and to egg them on the demonic structure begins to lower dramatically, ushering in a whole new level of eardrum destroying cheers if that were possible.

"YES! YES! YES! Here we go. Hell in a Cell! Wolverina vs Kahlan. The War of Wars! I've got goosebumbs all over, and not just from the match itself, but for the fact we will finally get to see Kahlan get what's coming to her. A much needed beating!"
"You seem awfully chipper about all of that, given the fact that we just saw a video package of nothing but Kahlan defeating, destroying, basically all out dominating Wolverina at every turn. Nobody cares about the 'hows' all they care about is who won. And so far it's been Kahlan all the way!"
"If I may interject here, guys, let's not overlook what the video package didn't show, which is the legendary battles these two women fought against other opponents. They have literally done it all. They've won the majority of their matches. They've won titles galore. They've created memorable moments. They've captured the hearts and minds of each and every one of us, including your lovable Genius here. It's a rarity in the realm of women's wrestling that we get to see the two very best, most dominant females in an entire industry battle it out on this grand a stage, and for a championship none the less. But here we are at Total Carnage and it is about to happen. Only in GHW!"

Matt's voice trails off as the cruel steel playground of pain comes to a stop and is set in place. The commentary crew remain in a silent awe as they, as well as the fans, linger in the moment. Then, just like that, Coors' voice snaps them back to life.

"Innnnnnnnnnnntroducing first....!!!"

The spectators go absolutely ballistic with an out pouring of love as "Kick in the Teeth" starts up, heralding the arrival of the most polarizing female in wrestling history.



After a few drama building moments the Queen of Queens steps forth before her masses, dressed not in her usual American Gladiator attire, but in casual wear.



Also absent from her usual entrance is the briliant smile and super-energetic flow to the ring. Instead, the People's Princess remains at a stand-still atop the ramp, her brows furrowed downward in a very unlady-like, and quite ugly demeanor. Her lips are curled alright, but not in that lovable heart melting smile. No, they are curled in a manner that has cruel intentions etched all over them.

"Standing 5'8" tall and weighing in at 148 pounds. She hails from Blair, Nebraska, and is YOUR Princess.... WOLVERINA!"

With a single hiss of hatred the Champion of Divas slowly begins her trot to the ring and the hell that awaits inside. Her strides alone speak volumes of her mindset, which is clearly not for the faint of heart at this juncture. She passes by the outstretched hands of the cult-like following she has gathered over the years and runs her fingers along the diamond shaped mesh of steel, testing its integrity as she makes a full lap around the outside. Despite the People's Princess being in a different frame of mind, the fans love her all the more and shower her with praise. Then, at the door of the massive cage, Haven stops and stares inside with a very stoic expression, before taking a few steps back and shaking her head "No".

"Why isn't she entering? Why is she shaking her head no? I bet she's having second thoughts. I think it has just dawned on her that she has bitten off far more than she can chew."
"I don't know what's going on, but I hope she hasn't changed her mind. Although I would understand if she did. I mean, it's a freaking HELL IN A CELL for crissakes. Most men refuse to compete in it."

More drama builds as she stands un-moving for a few moments, but then a sudden burst of excitement ripples through the venue as she unleashes a mighty she-wolf howl and commences to power-climbing up the cage wall to the very top of the palace of steel.

"Oh God. Does she know what she's asking for by doing this? I'm all for violence, but this is where the lines begin to blur."
"I think Kahlan's antics have finally driven Wolfie over the edge. She did tell Jamie that she planned on doing things that would be criminal to Kahlan. I just didn't think it'd be murder or something! What if she throws our precious Television Champion off the top of the damn thing?"
"I want to see Kahlan go down as much as these fans do, but I don't agree with this method of doing it. Haven is going far beyond the norms here!"

TBCB Kahlan.

[Brad Windsor]

Speaking of Kahlan, the big screen comes alive. The booing response drowns all sound for some few painful seconds, because Kahlan is in it lounging leisurely on a fancy couch sipping from a cup. She brings the cup down placing it on the saucer she had held under it with her other hand. While smiling brightly at the camera, Kahlan leans over and places the saucer and the cup on a small table to her right. The booing gets to subside down after the initial appearance, but suddenly a new wave of noise bursts forth. Pure cheering takes over. The dominant portion being high pitched screams of the female fans. All of this commotion is due to the fact that the King-of-the-Death-Match, Dustin Delta has graced the live scene. The Champion is dressed for battle and has his title draped over one shoulder. He is oddly holding the end of a Kendo stick and extends the other end in front of Kahlan. Curious, Kahlan starts to bring a hand up to take a hold.

“No! Don’t touch it!”

“It doesn't matter what you had for dinner!”

“Smell it.”

…

“AH! IT STINKS OF DRIED CRAP!”

“That’s exactly my point.”

Kahlan brings her hand up to rub her chin posing with her thoughtful expression.

“I don’t understand.”

“I paid Aj Scally a visit earlier in the night, you know to make him know he has no chance in a million years of pulling an upset or anything like that.”

“So?”

“I learned he didn’t understand proper English. He kept talking back in half sentences. I questioned him about grammar. He looked confused, so I had to stick him.”

Kahlan’s brows shoot up.

“Really?”

Dustin’s grin confirms everything she wanted to know.

“I know. He kept crying like a little bitch afterwards. Speaking of a bitch don’t you have a match right now? I mean I just saw Wolverina going out.”

“Meh, what’s the rush.”

Kahlan gets up from her couch, and then picks her title up from the same table with the cup on.

“Give me that.”

She receives the Kendo stick from Dustin and sets off out of the room.

Fuzz: What was all of that about?
Matt: It seems Scally’s been … I believe the correct term is … Carsonified.
Fuzz: …
Al: I’m glad we didn’t get to see it. I don’t like shower scenes.
Matt: …
Fuzz: …

Meanwhile inside the arena, Wolverina is still climbing the Cell. Her initial power climbing has deteriorated to a mellower, slower pace. She still has quite a few more feet to ascend to reach the top. Behind her the screen once again comes alive. All fired up kicks in for an all new record jeering explosion. You suck chants quickly catch on and empty water bottles plus other junk gets thrown towards the stage even before anyone appears from behind the curtains. Kahlan doesn’t walk out immediately either. Instead the Ladder Queen allows the hot crowd to calm down a little before she allows them the honour of her presence. The Television champion dressed in her vintage snakes and ladders’ outfit walks out from behind the veil. She is wearing her trademark black and yellow leather trousers, and her top is purely black with a phrase etched across the front under a cartoon figure of Kahlan pointing straight out. The message is clear: YOU’RE MY BITCH! The Television title of course is laid over her right shoulder, above the thin flimsy sleeveless vest she is sporting, adding extra glint to her rock star appearance. In her left hand, the Brit is carrying a Kendo stick and in her right she holds a microphone. She brings her right hand up.

“Haven you honestly believe that I, a far superior athlete inside a squared ring would risk my livelihood, my career, my title, my chance at humiliating you once again by climbing up after you just so I can beat you for the nine-hundredth time?”

Wolverina, almost reaching the very top of the steel cage stops to look back over her shoulder.

“You’re absolutely right! Boys! Bring out my baby!”

Fuzz: WHAT?
AL: OH YES! BRING OUT THE BABY!
Matt: OH BOY-

From behind Kahlan a man appears in casual outfit carrying the head of a ladder tucked under one of his arms. He marches out past Kahlan on the stage and still the end of the ladder doesn’t come into view.

Matt: -how long is this thing!

Eventually, to the astonishment of the entire audience the end of the ladder comes into view being carried by a second person in the same manner as the first man.

Matt: This thing is like three giant ladders! That has got to be the longest ladder I have ever seen in my life!

“That’s it boys, set it up there a little away from where my bitch-to-be is climbing. Make sure it’s a few feet off the actual cage so she can’t kick it off from up there. I’m sure I can manage a quick hop onto the top of the Cell with this giant baby. Oh by the way, how rude of me not to introduce my baby. Everyone say hello to LONGZILLA!”

Al: I KEW IT! SHE LIKES THEM LONG! LONGZILLA! YES! WIN!
Fuzz: This thing is huge! Look it’s actually longer than our thirty feet steel cage!
Matt: I always did wonder why Kahlan was called the Ladder Queen. The queen’s babe doesn’t seem to disappoint.

As the men retreat after setting up the LONGZILLA by Kahlan’s instructions, Wolverina finally reaches the top. She exerts one last burst of energy to drag her body over the edge and rolls over to her feet. Kahlan coughs with swagger to clear her throat.

“Now, we can do this in two ways. Option number one, you stay up there and I walk down this ramp, grab and tear a couple of these stupid signs in front reading this “I BELIEVE” crap and then climb up LONGZILLA jump over to the top of that cage, then use this nasty, already used Kendo stick to stick it into you-know-where like the little bitch you’re going to be for me. OR! Option number two, you come down from there and get into that cage like you’re supposed to, so I would walk down this ramp, grab and tear a couple of these stupid signs, ignore LONGZILLA and go straight into the cage where I would then still stick this nasty, already used Kendo stick up your you-know-where like the little bitch you’re going to be for me. The choice is yours, choose wisely.”

With that Kahlan drops her microphone.

Coors: And introducing her opponent, weighting in tonight at one-hundred-and-twenty-two-pounds, she is from North East of England, Newcastle. The Ladder Queen ladies and gentlemen, KAHLAN!

Matt: I know this coming from me is a surprise. But they call me the genius after the hardcore part for a reason. Wolverina better climb back down. They both have thoroughly crossed the line long ago so there is nothing that for one second would stop either of them throwing the other straight down. Someone could seriously get injured, worse end up dead here.
Al: You mean Wolverina by that, right Mattie? I MEAN LOOK AT LONGZILLA! Wolverina is tired from her climb, it will take Kahlan less than a third of the effort she put in to climb just as high and still be fresh enough to fight.
Fuzz: Listen to the fans Al. They believe! Tonight there is no way that Kahlan is going to walk out. This is where once and for all Wolverina would put an exclamation mark in front of all the doubters. I don’t think for one second that Wolverina is afraid to take the fight up there, as daunting as the prospect looks. She went up for a reason. Maybe for the first time ever someone is going to out manoeuvre that cunning blue haired chick from England.

TBCB Wolverina

[B&lly]

As the tension rises in the arena wondering what either of the girls will do it is subdued by Bombshell by Powerman 5000 hitting the speakers. All the fans immediately rise in cheers and applause at the surprise.

Al: What the hell is this?

AJ Scally eventually appears on stage wearing long green and gold tights, wrestling boots and a Newcastle Knights NRL jersey. Kahlan and Wolfie look on at the Novocastrian as he stands there smirking at both of them.

TBC Kahlan, she asked me to post.

[Brad Windsor]

As soon as Kahlan realises who is on stage beside her she quickly hides the Kendo stick behind her back and looks a bit put off. Her eyes stay on Scally’s shit eating grin as she takes a few unconscious steps towards the cell and away from the man on stage. For all of her previous big talk and master plans, the Ladder Queen is-

Fuzz: Are those signs of fear that I am reading? Is Kahlan… afraid of AJ scally? Why is he out here? Is he here to get revenge for what Dustin had done earlier by taking it out on his partner?
Matt: The stipulations clearly state that if anyone interferes on behalf of a competitor in this match, they and the opponent of the victim will be fired!
Al: Well the match hasn’t officially been started yet so…

Suddenly Kahlan stops midway in her stride and turns to regard Wolverina atop the massive cage. Slowly a creepy smile works its way onto the Brit’s corners of her lips. She looks back at Scally atop the stage and starts right toward him.

Fuzz: What?! IS SHE GONNA DO WHAT I THINK SHE IS GONNA DO? INTENTIONALLY GET HERSELF BEAT UP?
Al: GENIUS!
Matt: EVIIL!

Kahlan bends over to pick up the microphone she had dropped earlier, only a few feet away from where Aj Scally is standing.

“I just had an idea. Wolverina my bitch… say bye bye to EVER regaining the television title from me HOE!”

Kahlan takes a step forward and roughly throws the TV title at Scally. The force of the throw forces the Australian to react and snatch the flying title in mid-air.

“PEOPLE! SAY HELLO TO YOUR NEW TELEVISION CHAMPION… AJ SCALLY!”

Fuzz: WHAT!? SHE CAN’T DO THAT! THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A TELEVISION TITLE MATCH!
Al: Well she just did!
Matt: Well I be damned! That is one bloody crazy lady!

TBCB Scally

[B&lly]

After what seems like an age as everybody looks on confused at what Kahlan just did Scally smirks before raising the title above his head. He then bursts out laughing as Kahlan looks back at Wolfie with a sly smirk. AJ asks for a microphone which he duly receives.

AJ: It is nice to see you care for this title as much as your body, with throwing it away on a whim.

The crowd all laugh at Scally’s sexual joke as Kahlan looks on with an angered look.

AJ: But it is nice to be Tele…

Scally cannot finish the sentence before bursting out laughing, after a little while he composes himself and begins to speak again.

AJ: Who am I kidding this title means nothing and has meant nothing for a very long time. I seriously have no clue why you two ‘girls’ are fighting tooth and nail for it. I mean really who did Wolfie beat to win the title in the first place?

Scally scratches his head for while as the girls look on in anger with the fans cheering him as loud as they can.

AJ: Nope I honestly can’t remember. Now I am off the get ready for my Wambulance match against Dustin Delta and Mr ‘I am so Mighty I can kill a tag division all by myself’ Milson and win a title that means something for each and everyone of you wonderful people.

The fans all begin to cheer loudly as AJ nods in their direction.

AJ: See ya ladies enjoy your Rage in a Whore Cage.

With that AJ begins to walk away before stopping and turning around before nodding to the gaffer who walks over with something in hand and hands it to the man from the better Newcastle.

AJ: Oh and one last thing.

Scally places the title on stage and shows to everyone the spray paint can before spraying over the belt as the fans look on waiting to see what paints. Once done Scally throws the can back to the gaffer before raising the title above his head for everyone to see.

Al: I can’t believe he just did that.

What Al is referring to is the big giant three letter acronym smack bang right in the middle of the title. “LOL” The fans all begin to laugh as Kahlan and Wolfie look on in shock and horror as the Aussie has a wide goofy smile on his face. He then drapes the title over shoulder and heads backstage as the two competitors look at each wondering what the hell to do.

TBC

[Jaggeroth's wench.]

Fuzz: Fans we apologize. We do have a rodent infestation in GHW sadly, and every now and then a rat will run out on stage. And we just saw one in AJ Scally.
Al: He just wanted attention. When you're butt ass ugly and have no skills in life, you'll do desperate things to get attention, especially a woman's.
Matt: I guess negative attention is better than no attention for AJ, huh?

From on high with steely eyes, the People's Princess is unphased by the antics of rat-face, and waves him off like a Queen would a unfunny court jester. He is of little concern, in fact he is of no concern. As he disappears behind the curtain to prepare for his ass beating later on, Haven's narrowed and now menacing eyes set low on Kahlan, shooting her with a dagger stare. Raising a single hand up with the crowd solidly behind her, the Nebraskan motions for her arch nemesis to stop stalling and to simply "bring it". Ding! Ding! Ding! The crowd voicefully applaud the official commencement of the contest, despite the Brit Blitz's continued hesitance to engage in the wonderful world of warfare. Sensing her prey's reluctance, the People's Princess gives her a fighting chance by moving to the other side of the cell, before giving her another gesture to come get that ass whoopin'.

Fuzz: Here we go! No turning back now! Haven chose option one.
Al: And it is going to be a very painful one... for Haven. Like I said, I bet she's gassed from that climb alone.
Matt: I doubt it. Wolfie's cardio is phenomenal, remember? She actively competes in those cancer fundraising triathlons. And what I also doubt is Haven's choice here. Kahlan has an e-coli on a stick essentially; a brutal weapon that she's gonna carry up with her while Haven has nothing. On top of that, she's clear on the other side.

A very upsetting chant of "coward-lan" finally gets the blue haired dynamo going toward longzilla, but not before doing as promised by ripping up a few signs along the way. With weapon in hand the notorious no show artist begins her speedy ascend, with a ever widening sneer on her visage upon each step up. She makes it to the top and onto the cage in hardly no time, where at long last she meets her fiercest foe. The Cornhusker Cutie makes purposeful strides across the expanse of the cage to her, with fists tightly balled and lips curled into a cruel snarl. Kahlan matches her stride for stride, equally just as intense as the crowd becomes unglued once more. The Geordie is surprised by Wolverina's stupidity of not bringing a weapon, but being the opportunist bitch that she is Pretty K gleefully sets forth to exploit it. Cranking back fast, Special K's plan is simple; blast her opponent in the head with the same vile intentions she did with that steel chair last week. Out of nowhere, though, the squeaky clean good girl tosses a thick cloud of powder into K's alluring eyes, blinding the champion and causing her to stumble about like a drunk, with the kendo stick swatting sloppily around. Then it's wham, bam, pow in Batman comic book terms, as the Queen of Extreme dots the skin-scape of Kahlan's Uncle Fester moon pie face with a slew of strikes.

Somehow the double tough Brit stays standing through the barrage, but not for long, because in the blink of an eye Haven completes a 360 turn and levels her opposition with a jarring Wonder Woman Discus Punch. This time it downs the TV Champion and leaves the Scally-wagged stick up for grabs. Forgoing usage of the item, the Christian Cutie-Pie settles for a full mount, where she grabs a handful of her nemesis' hair and begins to rain down rows of knuckle-bombs in rapid succession. There seems to be no cease in her, no end in sight for the volley of fists, but Haven is only human and after a long age her arm tires out. The People's Princess stands with a proud little squeal of satisfaction, but she hasn't had her fill, not by a long shot. Stooping down to secure her antagonist for more overdue punishment, Miss Cassady suffers a quick, searing pain from a undetected and highly desperate Kendo stick smack to the side of her dome-piece. There was no aiming to it, just a pray-and-swing by the Ladder Queen. The impact drops the Nebraskan, sending her in retreat on her hands and knees while Kahlan gathers her bearings enough to ascertain where she is. With the tide turned in her favor now, Special K pushes through the pain and irritation in her orbs long enough to haul off and kick Haven right where Jaggeroth once plundered and plowed so violently.

Fuzz: CUNT PUNT! THAT BITCH JUST CUNT PUNT HER!
Al: I'm shocked that K's entire leg didn't disappear up there! To hear Jaggy tell it, he left a smoldering crater where Wolfie's vagina used to be.
Matt: Jag is such a liar. He speaks in "drunkenglish" and you can never believe a word he says. But I digress. Kahlan's foot is having all the fun right now!
Fuzz: I think the Kendo stick is about to have some fun too!

That sickening all-too-familiar sound of wood on flesh bellows out loud and clear as it connects time and time again with Haven's back, eliciting wails of woe from Wolfie so prominent that it could compare to the screams of a thousand souls in hell. Nobody works a stick better than Kahlan, and she proves it by continuing the onslaught until deciding to change things up by straddling her back.

Kahlan: Powder to my eyes bitch? You wanna copy me now? Wanna use my cheats? Here's one for ya. I call it choke-a-bitch.

The Gorgeous Geordie places the article of Kendoian nomenclature under the chin of the Cutest of the Cute and pulls upward, trapping her there in a stick assisted Camel Clutch of sorts. Despite the frantic sloshing and flailing that's expected, the Cut-You-Up Queen remains in total control of her adversary to the point she begins to fade. All hope seems lost until the masses rally behind their Paragon of Virtue. Their claps, their stomps, their voices and the praising of her name wills Haven, slowly but surely, to her feet with the stuptified Kahlan still on her back. Refusing to be plucked from the driver's seat just yet, the crafty Cut Squader disembarks the Holy Hottie and shoves her, allowing herself to set up for another whack with the Scally-Stick. It works. As Miss Cassady turns to her, the Cutting Chick morphs into the Golfing Chick and deploys the stick as a nine iron to tee-off, using the split between Wolverina's legs as the point of impact. The collision is vicious and thrusts the Nebraskan's mouth agape as she implodes onto her knees and falls face first onto the roof. Pretty K's method of madness nets the biggest jeers of the night thus far, but the night is young. As Wolfie lies there defenseless, Little K runs the tip of the stick down her rival's butt crack, before finally, erotically running it along Haven's two most private of areas suggestively.

Al: I came.
Fuzz: What the hell? How could you? This is so humiliating for Wolverina. Am I the only one who remembers she was raped?
Matt: I came too, Al.
Al: Fuzz.. you are gay, sir.

GHW's clientele don't seem to mind cheering for Kahlan now, but all good things must come to an end. She halts the sexual innuendo upon plotting her next course of action. Spying the thick steel support beams on the cage, a crooked grin etches over her face as she leans down and drags up her victim. Looping an arm around Haven's head, Kahlan gets into position and drapes the American's near arm over her shoulder, then grabs her jeans at the hip. With a strong lift and sexy snap from there, the Ladder Queen pulls her up and over with a savage Suplex, making sure to deposit the beloved icon across the support beam sadistically as possible. Small boys and girls, who should be at home in bed not at a site such as this, cry rivers of tears as their heroine writhes spasmodically across the cage, belting out gut wrenching screams. And even more alarming is the fact that Wolverina's convulsions leave her close to the edge of the cage, right above the commentating crew below.

Fuzz: Oh no. Oh God. She's right above us! That Suplex, holy hell, may have cracked a few vertebrae.
Matt: You ever get that feeling you should move out of the way, guys?
Al: This is one of those times, isn't it?
Matt: Yep.

The three men move and peer on captivated, as do the fans. Kahlan, with a gleam of evil in her eyes, makes a bee line to Haven, possibly to hurl her staunchest rival right off the top. As she picks her up though, Wolverina's veteran instincts kick in and she shoves her away, gaining some space. Blotting out the unfathomable affliction consuming her body, the People's Princess powers to a slumped stand and ambles toward her tormentor, who is charging right back at her. Haven dips low and grabs her at the waist, lifting her up and turning 180 degrees, using Kahlan's own momentum against her to make the move more powerful. Pretty K is spiked back first across one of the beams she'd just used to her advantage, the Double A Spine Buster finally turning the tide back in the Cornhusker's favor, and plunging Little K into a pit of despair. The feeling of trepidation that had hovered over the crowd like a dark cloud is removed, allowing them to once again strain their lungs and vocal chords in worship of their glorious one.

As the roof continues to be metaphorically blown off the arena, the two lovely ladies lie dormant for several lingering moments, until they begin to come-to and stir. Each woman valiantly crawl, roll and even pull on the beams to aide themselves up, but somehow during the journey Miss Cassady winds up near the edge of the structure once again. Toughing through the waves upon waves of pain crashing upon her lunbar region, Kahlan, now in suicidal desperation mode she gets into when backed against a wall, churns full steam ahead and takes wing. Shifting her compact little body horizontally while in flight, she careens into the chest of the People's Princess with a high velocity Cross Body and hangs on for dear life. The tumultuous plummet 20 feet down only lasts a second, but the consequences will span a lifetime. The commentator's table is not just broken upon impact, it's obliterated, and the femme fatales are left strewn along the wreckage like victims of a hurricane.

Fuzz: HOLY MOTHERFUCKING GODSHIT! THEY'RE DEAD! VLAD AS MY WITNESS THEIR YOUNG, VIBRANT LIVES HAVE BEEN EXTINGUISHED!
Al: THIS IS SURREAL! KAHLAN IS THE CRAZIEST MOST HOMICIDAL BITCH TO EVER STEP FOOT IN HERE! SHE'S CRAY-CRAY!
Matt: I knew I was right. Glad we moved. This is senseless though! Kahlan could've pushed her off, punched her off, kicked her off, anything off... but instead she rode it out with her and may have ended her own career also!

The replay flickers on, showing different angles of the total carnage that just ensued, while the spectators go bonkers with compound chants.

HOLY SHIT!
THIS-IS-AWESOME!
LETS GO WOLFIE!
LETS GO KAHLAN!

Luckily for the divas Jamie Graves had planned for just such an atrocity, and sends down a plethora of officials and medical personnel with two stretchers. The cell is lifted up enough to let them go to work on the combatants, and after a short age each woman is placed on a stretcher, neither having moved a muscle since crashing. Showing proper respect for the gladiators, the crowd gives them a standing ovation.

Fuzz: I think this match is over folks. There's been no official bell, but there's just no way they can continue.

The stretchers begin to move, casting a shroud of doubt over the venue. Will Kahlan and Wolfie do the unthinkable? Will they pull themselves off and battle on? Well, I don't know. Find out in the next post.... live on Pay Per View!

TBC

[Jaggeroth's wench.]

72 Hour rule

The match seems all but vamoosed as the two daring divas are carted around the ring and partly up the ramp, side by side. That is until slow signs of life are seen from each. Their hands reach and paw, slap and pull at those around them, until they catch sight of one another and lunge like two angry cats. The crowd ignites into a frenzy as the women grab a handful of each others hair and commence to listlessly slap at each other, as they roll off their stretchers. The medics and officials round about them can only back away in astonishment at the remarkable scene unfolding before them. The pair of pretties continue to battle it out by rolling torpidly on top of each other, exchanging half-assed slaps and punches as they roll down the ramp and under the lifted cell. The structure halts its advance skyward and pauses for a short while, letting drama build, before lowering back down to enclose the two injured ladies in the hell they've yearned so badly for.

Al: Holy shit they're actually going to let this go on! They've lowered the cage again. This is un-fucking-real.
Fuzz: These two women are un-fucking-real!
Matt: They're unbelievably indestructible. But hey, if there's still life in them, they'll fight. They hate each other that much.

Under a showering of ear-piercing crowd response, Kahlan and Wolverina use each other for support as they trade blows, each teeting and crashing into the other with each shot, the fans yelling "oooh" and hhh" after each one. Slowly, the two rise painstakingly to their vertical bases, still clung together like semen stuck porno pages, neither relenting in their quest to top the other. It's the Ladder Queen who strikes first. Dipping into her arsenal of cheat moves, she sneaks in a quick eye poke and nail rake across Haven's oculars, before swiftly looping her arm around her head in a Front Face Lock. With a crisp fall backward, the Brit drops Wolfie cranium fist atop the thin not-so-protecting pads outside, jarring the Nebraskan's cerebral cortex and flooding her spine with a warm jolt of pain. The fallout leaves the Cornhusker sprawled out like so many times before at the hands of her nemesis, prompting the Queen of No Shows to make the cover. A referee, slow to the slide, enters the cage from the still unclosed door and gets into position. His slaps are a bit too late though, affording the Cutest of the Cute the chance to buck a shoulder up at 2 and 78/100.

The transvestite Uncle Fester sluggishly rolls off her rival and cries out with frustration. And it isn't until the blue haired dynamo tries to stand under her own power that the extent of her damage is known. Tumbling over and almost collpasing against the steps, the Ladder Queen's frame quakes and trembles, the exertion to stay vertical that much of a strain to her damaged body. Hunched over like a decrepit elder, Pretty K seethes breaths of pain as she plods lapper legged to her foe and yanks her up, looking to use her precious longzilla. And so she does. Irish Whipping Haven through the opened cell door, the massive ladder is the first thing that greets the goody two shoes, face first, sending her stumbling backward and into the evil clutches of a woman long corrupted by her own arrogance. Alarmed and obviously desperate, the People's Princess fires a few elbows back, knocking her assailant away long enough to get some distance between them. But Little K won't relent that easily. She churns right back to the scrambling fan favorite, closing the gap rather quickly as Haven winds up in front of the ladder with her back to the entrance curtain. The Cutting Queen juts out an arm, craning it ever so slightly to perfect the coming Clothesline from Hell, but luckily the Queen of Extreme ducks under it and in one fast swoop secures her at the neck and drops down, planting the reigning TV Champion on the floor.

Fuzz: Amazing counter by the challenger. She's finally making a come back! And not a moment too soon.
Al: I know Kahlan loves her ladders, but maybe it was a bad idea to bring it to a cage fight. Haven can do a few things with longzilla too.
Matt: So I've heard. Zing!

It seems like forever and a day, but eventually the beloved clambers to her feet and leans against the ladder, using as much time as possible to recuperate. Then, it hits her, the fans demands. Their fingers point to the ladder, requesting their queen bestow upon them the sight of her flight. Their wish is her command. With Pretty K still strung out on the floor beneath her, the Queen of Queens climbs the ladder, albeit it much slower than usual, given the horrendous amount of affliction done to her already. None the less she makes it a good ten feet up, nowhere near the 30 foot height, but definitely enough to do some damage. Without a moments hesitation, Haven leaps courageously from her perch, extending her body out before her with the point of her elbow stuck out like a landing gear, aimed like a dagger at Kahlan's sternum. Her descend is rapid and the impact is brutal as it connects with surgeon like precision, expelling air from the New Castle native's lungs and causing her frame to flop once before going phlegmatic.

A pinfall attempt would be next. Should be next. But it isn't. The move takes a great deal out of its deliverer, and it's back to square one, with both ladies sprawled out, but only for a moment. Snapping to life, if only for a second, Miss Cassady drapes an arm over her greatest adversary, ushering in the zebra shirt who drops theatrically beside them and slaps the floor twice with no signs of recuse from the champion. It isn't until the referee's hand gets a nat dick hair away from the final smack that Kahlan valiantly shoots a shoulder up, sending a wave of gasps and moans of disbelief through the congregation of Wolfie lovers. Haven can only roll off her and stare at the rafters, tears of frustration and despair forming at the ducts of her eyes. The Queen of Extreme cries out much like Kahlan did last week when she couldn't put Wolverina away, and beats the floor with her hands as she battles her own body just to get back to her feet. The Princess looks to her masses as if asking them for answers, before reaching down and straining to bring her opponent up, with no particular plan in place. Guiding K by the hair, she pulls her back through the door and rolls her into the ring, where at long last the officials lock the door behind them.

Fuzz: Finally the door is locked, but I'm not so sure it's a good idea. These women can barely stand. They could have internal injuries.
Al: I can assure you that they do. They're not heavyweights. They're not middleweights. They're not even cruiserweights but they have suffered greatly already.
Matt: Exactly, but there's only one way to finally resolve the issue between them, and we're seeing it, even if it means the end of one or both careers.

For once in her storied career, the Queen of Queens looks clueless, despite being in an environment suitable to her liking, and it is this moment of pondering that costs her. As she picks up the angry bird lover, her hands are pushed away and her control lost, allowing the vicious vixen to chamber her leg and fire off a tremendous Round House Kick to the temple. A loud report sounds off from the collision of foot to head, and it sends Haven tumbling through the ropes behind her to the pads outside, unceremoniously. A sense of dread once again shrouds the fans, who begin to jeer the prettiest heel of all time. After dishing out the move Kahlan can only drop to a knee, her energy drained from issuing the offense. But she sucks it up and powers to a stand upon seeing her foe using the cage to pull herself up. Taking in a deep inhale of her lungs to re-invigorate herself, the Cut-You-Up Queen bounces off the set of cables behind her and jet-sets toward Haven. Once at the ropes she takes flight, clearing the top one easily as she Forward Somersaults through the air, her butt and back of her legs slamming into the iconic princess and driving her back into the cell. Under a umbrella of another chant of HOLY SHIT and THIS IS AWESOME, the two lie dormant, save for the rise and fall of their voluptuous breasts. The pair languish there for a bit, until Kahlan, reaching operational level first, snatches her little bitch by the hair and pulls her up slowly, perhaps for the proverbial coup de gra.

Whatever the scheme is, it is cast asunder by the Christian Cutie, who suddenly grabs her antagonist by the front of her attire and falls back, coercing Kahlan to face kiss the mesh of steel. Pretty K reels back from it and lands near Wolverina, allowing the goody girl to grab her by the legs. Falling onto her back and lifting her smaller opponent simultaneously, the People's Princess is successful in Catapulting her nemesis into the bulwark of steel, so much so that a small trickle of blood can be seen from a tiny gash along Anorexic Annie's regal forehead. That's all it takes. That blood. Like a shark to prey, Haven smells it and attacks, drilling her foe with very illegal fists over and over again, opening her gash up just a little but more. Then, pulling K up, Miss Cassady looks to employ the steel tree to compound Kahlan's peril. Grabbing her by the wrist, Wolverina whips her toward it, but in mid stride the gallant Brit reverses the momentum, harnessing enough kinetic energy to tip the scales in her favor and winds up sending the precious princess into it instead. Steel remains undefeated against flesh as Haven rams shoulder first into it uncontrollably and ricochets off it, right into the waiting arms of Kahlan, who takes her in by the arm and shoulder before spiking downward. The sickening Arm Bar DDT riles the fans up in a booing uproar, but it's only the beginning. Still lying on the floor with Haven's arm trapped, the brilliant Brit swiftly transitions her legs into place and locks in a seldom used but highly effective Shoulder Joint Submission.

Fuzz: She's got her! Damn it! Not like this! Don't tap Wolfie! Jesus didn't tap and he damn sure wouldn't approve of you doing it!
Al: It's all over but the crying now! Out of all the times Kahlan has beaten Wolverina, she's never submitted her. But that is about to change!
Matt: And interestingly enough, she's got that nasty hold locked on the same shoulder that Jade Brooklyn injured, which put Haven on the shelf for the better part of a year. Absolutely brilliant work by Kahlan, love her or hate her!

TBCB K

[Brad Windsor]

Gritting her teeth, Kahlan exerts just a bit more power to very great effect. Her masterful, epic technical supremacy over the so called People’s Princess is showcased to its full glory. Her hated rival may have had a series of more reputable hardcore matches in her career, her last year’s Nexus appearance being the highlight of those, but Kahlan’s cutting edge came from her mental skills inside the ring. The crown jewel of it all is that ingenious wit. So now that the trap was unleashed, Kahlan exploited this rarest of the traits with perceptible commitment. She along with every single one of the fans swarming the arena knew full well that her biggest adversary throughout her entire illustrious career, Wolverina, would rather pass out, nay end up with a dislocated shoulder, nay even die rather than to submit, especially to her.

“Please I beg of you, do you hear me? I literally beg you not to tap out! Can you hear me bitch? Do not dare to tap out! Tonight you’re mine! Are you listening to me? I said tonight you’re mine and I only just started! It is only ME and YOU now, just like you asked for.” Kahlan’s screams at her opponent whilst they were being subjugated to torture was nothing new. All of this was based on the tactical approach Kahlan had decided to take facing her adversary. This is another distinguishable feature that sets her apart from the rest of the Fighty fighty persons. The initial brawl, the incredible bumps, the fast pace of the contest, they all had taken incredible toll on both competitors, pushing them to the brink of their limits. Sensing this, Kahlan had switched tactics. She had slowed things right down to a simple walking speed, and then stopped it entirely. She was proving to be indeed the artist. Her legs scissor-crossing her opponent’s arm locked tighter into each other, only slightly. The consequence was immense however, there was pleasure watching Wolverina’s first tear to grow out of the corner of her eye and slide ever so slowly, down the line separating the bridge of her nose from her cheekbone.

Al: Wolverina needs to tap out.
Fuzz: You know as well as I do that she won’t do it. There is no way that she would ever tap out to Kahlan. That would be the one final wall she cannot allow Kahlan to break down.
Matt: I agree with Al. Putting her body under so much stress could be career threatening. A shoulder is not designed to be stretched out this much. If she throws in the towel now, there would always be a tomorrow to fight on.
Fuzz: But tomorrow would mean servitude under the one person more despicable than even Hitler. Would you tap out to Hitler?
Matt: … Do you know who I am?

To Hitler or not, Wolverina’s arm and shoulder was suffering beyond its verge. She had her lips clamped together in an effort to stop herself from crying out, worse yet yelling those dreaded words. She was trapped with no way out. Or was she? Her free arm, roaming around to her side suddenly comes across a solid object by chance. Desperate now, feeling her arm being ripped from its socket, she investigates further through touching. Her fingers find the object again. They curl around the girth of the rod. Her fist clenches firmly around the head in reflex to an extra flitting pressure on her arm. She bites her tongue to stop her from blurting a sound out when a new surge of tension builds up in her shoulder.

WHACK!

“AGGGGGHHHHHH!” Kahlan squeals and let’s go of the arm, instead to bring her hands up to her face. She kicks her legs free and rolls away to curl into a ball. She wails incoherently, her voice muffled by her face smothering the tiles. Astonishingly, there is a rapturous applause around the arena from people on the pinnacle of excitement. Their hopes and expectations once again re-installed after a scare. Their champion is free from the clutches of a cunning villain thanks to the stained Kendo-stick, which had slid through the meshed roof of the cage earlier on. The piece of wood brought into the shuffle by Kahlan, was used to penetrate flesh and had defiled the People’s Princess had come to the peoples’ favourite’s aid.

Wolverina stands and rubs feeling back into her shoulder. She does this by leaning back into the wall of the cage for support. Her breathing may not be as fast as it was prior to her being caught into submission, but the effects of exertion remain in plain sight. Her top is tattered, her hair is no longer in the ponytail it once was. Her face is bruised and parts of it are swollen. However, there is a glint in her narrowed eyes as she stares down at her opponent’s curled up figure a few feet away. Wolverina then performs the most chilling act of this entire sick contest so far. She grins. Her white teeth shine in the light of the many cameras being fixated onto her face, the flicker matches those in her eyes. She casually leans over to pick up the Kendo-stick.

Al: Oh boy, here we go again.

WHACK!

“AAAAGGGHHHHH!”
“Don’t you worry darling.”

WHACK!

“AAAAGGGGHHHH!”
“I won’t tap.”

WHACK!

“AAAAGGGGHHHH!”
“I’m going to be all yours tonight.”

WHACK!

“AAAAGGGGHHHHH!”
“The entire night.”

WHACK!

“AAAAGGGGGHHHH!”
“Yours alone.”

WHACK!

“AAAAGGGGGHHHH!”
“So take it!”

WHACK!

“AAAAGGGGHHHHHH!”
“Come on! I SAID TAKE IT!”

WHACK!
WHACK!
WHACK!
WHACK!
WHACK!
WHACK!
WHACK!
WHACK!
WHACK!
WHACK!

“Oh I’m sorry, it is all splintered.”

With that Wolverina throws aside what is left of the stick. She lowers down and grabs a fistful of the blue follicles she so deeply despises. She pulls hard, so hard in fact that with no help, and through her own effort alone, her sobbing opponent is dragged up to a set of wobbly legs. Just like a puppet. She rolls Kahlan into the ring but doesn’t immediately follow her herself. Alternatively, she raises the apron up to pull out a trash can filled with sticks ends jutting out of it. She throws the can into the ring, spilling its contents. Only then does the Queen of extreme enters the ring. Wolverina selects a new Kendo-stick from where it had laid out from the trash can, and then proceeds to smack it down across her opponent’s back. The woman receiving the eighteenth consecutive strike across her back howls, then begins to cry openly. Wolverina chooses to ignore the pleas of this vile woman and lays another strike across her back. She bends forward to rip off the flimsy vest that Kahlan had worn to the ring, just so to lay yet another strike. Unbecoming of her, the People’s own next rips off the black T-shirt off of the faced down Kahlan, exposing the many red marks criss-crossing her smooth back. Ignoring her waist up naked back, bar for the straps of a sports bra, Wolverina lays another strike, and another, and another, and another.

If there was a small gash at the side of Kahlan’s forehead which bled, it is nothing compared to the series of gashes that now cover her back. The welt-sort-of marks cover it entirely. At some areas, mainly around the shoulder blades, there is blood oozing out. Wolverina observes this, suddenly realising that her always noisy fans are uncharacteristically shocked into silence. They are absorbed by the scene in front of them. As if to wake them up from their trance state and bring them to life, Wolverina raises her Kendo-stick bearing right fist up into the air, bellowing a guttural scream. This brings a roar from the crowd who come alive like a monster waking. All forms of verbal communication fail for some ten seconds as the place is overtaken by blood-thirsty cheering. The highlight of the moment is when a massive poster banner of Wolverina is raised in the middle of the crowd, written underneath it: WELCOME TO TOTAL CARNAGE.

Al: Indeed welcome to Total Carnage! If you’re a man above the age of eighteen and you aren’t getting your money’s worth out of this pay-per-view, then I suggest you stop watching pro wrestling immediately. Girls, action, violence, blood and erotica all in one match and listen to this jacked up live audience. This is GH-BLOODY-W!
Fuzz: I’m overwhelmed. I wasn’t expecting this sort of intensity from Wolverina. I think she has cracked inside or maybe even gone totally crazy.
Matt: It is called gearing up Colin. When you’re facing an opponent like Kahlan who has done everything and anything imaginable to get the upper hand against you, who has tested and tried you to the very brink of your limits, you either succumb to the pressure or you step up your game and take it to them. In this case Wolverina is taking it to Kahlan.

Indeed Kahlan continues to take it from Wolverina, from behind, with yet another Kendo strike which splinters on making contact. Kahlan feels her hair being pulled and she is brought up to her knees where the shin and the top of Wolverina’s right foot lands diagonally across her raised chest after a short roundhouse trip. Kahlan squeezes her tear stricken eyes shut and receives another kick. The third lands after a short delay, because Wolverina had to stop and salute her faithful fans, chanting “I BELIEVE”! She brings Kahlan up the rest of the way, and then scoops her into her arms. Holding her between the legs and to the side of the neck, horizontal, the former KOTDM takes a couple of strides towards where the trash can is lying on its side. Unceremoniously, she slams Kahlan down on top of it. The wounded flesh lands and the momentum of the drop added to the combined weight of both Kahlan and Wolverina crunches the can flat. The Christian faith follower remains in position, on top, and looks up quizzically at the referee. The near count however is just that, a near count. Kahlan had managed to raise a shoulder.

Not showing the frustration as before, Wolverina simply continues on. Through a short laborious process she has Kahlan’s head and leg hooked and ready for what is to come next. What is to come next is Kahlan moving in projectile motion over Wolverina’s head and landing spine first on the canvas. Not letting go entirely, Wolfie swings her feet about in corkscrew motion, the momentum of which brings her and her opponent up onto their feet as before. Kahlan is again flown over into a second Suplex. Once as before, Wolverina performs her fancy leg movement to land agilely on her feet with Kahlan in tow. This time however, when Kahlan is up in mid-air, still not over Wolfie’s head, the Nebraskan switches momentum and instead slams Kahlan down, front first. The three high intensity power moves, seem to have had the reversed effect as opposed to tiring Wolfie. Far from it, she seems to have gained a renewed will to perform. Wolverina rolls Kahlan onto her back and springs up from the mat into air, all in one motion it seems. She flips forward and the gravity takes her down back first atop Kahlan. On making impact, the swing of the motion rolls her off, which results in Kahlan snapping up to a seated state. This gives Wolverina the opportune moment to increase the pace of her attack. She is already up and running towards the furthest set of ropes, the set from which she bounces back to slam a running knee into the face of Kahlan and flattening her out. Still Wolfie carries on to the far side and hops onto the second rope. She is accordingly launched back into the air, where she back flips once and falls onto Kahlan.

Fuzz: -And the Moonsault! This could be it! This should be it! OH NO! KAHLAN KICKS OUT!
Al: Oh no? OH YES! Can you even comprehend what it means for Kahlan not to win this match? It means no BITCH PLAY!? WE WANT BITCH PLAY!
Matt: I concur!
Fuzz: …

Even though Wolverina does try to hide the concern, she cannot do it entirely. There is that extra edge to her rigid movements as she sits up exhaling heavily, pondering her next route of action. Kahlan is proving tougher than what she must have expected. Overwhelming her is one thing, putting her away is proving to be something entirely different. The planning time out doesn’t drag on too long. Wolverina is able to quickly brush the strands of hair out of her face, even though they fall right back in place as soon as she lets go, and stands up. She eyes the stuff that had spilled out of the trash can in the corner. Apart from the obliterated can itself and the remains of a split Kendo-stick, there is an untouched K-stick and a baseball bat. She picks the baseball bat up. She tests the sturdiness of the bat by smacking it into the palm of her hand, nodding to herself. When she is satisfied she turns to find that Kahlan isn’t where she is supposed to be. Instead, the bloodied Ladder Queen is perched up on top of the turnbuckles. The Geordie hisses like a cat and leaps off.

Shrugging her shoulders Wolverina allows Kahlan to cover the ground by flying towards her. As soon as Kahlan is in range, Wolverina swings her arms about from ear, like a pro baseball player, catching Kahlan dead on across the stomach. The collective gasp from the crowd fades out the thud of the bat as it lands on the mat where Wolfie had thrown it. The Queen of Extreme jumps on top of her opponent’s chest with each leg on either side of Kahlan’s head. “JUST!… DIE!...YOU!…FUCKING!…SLUT!” Each of her words is punctuated with a fist onto the temple, opening the already bleeding gash even further. Wolfie rolls off of Kahlan and picks up the last Kendo-stick, aiming it at the Ladder Queen. “TAP OUT OR I SWEAR TO GOD-!”

To everyone’s surprise, Kahlan’s left hand comes up, palm out, pleading for Wolfie to stop. The motion delays Wolverina in delivering the shot as she glares impatiently. Slowly the hand begins to turn around and… the middle finger sticks out. Wolverina screams and lays the shot sweetly across the navel. Now it is Kahlan’s turn to scream, her version far higher pitched than Wolfie’s cry of desperation. Shock of the pain is so much that Kahlan rolls as far as getting dropped out of the ring from underneath the bottom rope. She lands sprawled out, but regains some of her grip to slowly crawl her way towards the Cell’s wall. She knows that sooner rather than later, her worse nightmare will be coming after her. Indeed she experiments the truth of this when the stick lands squarely on her lower back. Kahlan squeals and falls onto her face.

Al: Kahlan just isn’t able to retaliate with any offense of her own, so now she is trying to force some distance from the monster. Wolverina really is a monster!
Fuzz: What did I say before Al? This is the day where Wolverina is to finally defeat Kahlan. There is just nowhere she can run to. There is no Shawn Dreamer to have her back. There is nobody Al, there is only she, the Cell and one PISSED OFF WOLVERINA.
Matt: I wouldn’t be so sure Colin. It is after all Kahlan you’re talking about. Knowing her, she must be planning something, something very wicked.

Wolverina drops the stick to raise the ring apron once again, searching for something within the darkness underneath the square. She pulls back on the legs of a nicely folded steel chair and directs her attention back to Kahlan. Her foe is on her hands and knees, crawling away in her sorry half naked state. Wolfie takes in this entire scene then raises the chair high up above her head, and then brings it down with a resounding smack onto the tortured back of Kahlan. She drops the chair and drags Kahlan up through two fistfuls of hair. Wolverina looks down into the Strife Slayer’s eyes as if to tell her that she is done, finished. As if to urge her to give up because she is fighting an inevitable end. Her demise is only a matter of time. She can prolong it, but not prevent it.

Looking straight back up at Wolfie, Kahlan sneers, and then spits.

“YOU FUCKING CRACK ADDICT!” Wolverina’s scream is followed by her slamming Kahlan’s face into the wall of the cage. She pulls her back just to repeat the act. Again, and again she does it. For a fourth, fifth and then a final sixth time she slams Kahlan’s unprotected face into the mesh of steel. When she pulls her back the former gash at the side of her head now spans her entire forehead. Blood begins to pour out, volumes of it. The scarlet flow runs over her face, and onto her chest and bra. Kahlan’s once blue fringe turns into complete red. Wolverina gives one look at her state and releases her hold, causing Kahlan to slump down onto her knees. The self-proclaimed best female Fighty fighty person of all time, the once former Queen of the Deathmatches Champion, moves towards the steel chair she had used earlier. She picks it back up with lethal intentions. She is ready to end it once and for all with such certainty that there may never be a Ladder Queen ever again. Wolverina turns and walks up to Kahlan who is on her knees. The instruction to her knelt down enemy is clear. “Look at me!”

Kahlan grabs at the blue jeans standing over her, pulling down at the waist to help keep her as upright as she possibly can, which is not much. There is dried blood all over her front and some fresh still coming out of the gash across her forehead. Her back is thick with scars in the making. Still she manages to look straight up at Wolverina, just as her enemy lifts the chair up high above her head. Kahlan brings a forearm straight up in between the legs much to the surprise of her unsuspecting opponent. Wolfie is so surprised in fact that she lets go of the chair, letting it fall behind her as she slouches forward, eyes bulging. Kahlan extends her reach by grabbing at the front of Wolfie’s top, then shoulders, her hair. The Geordie slowly claws and scratches her way up to her feet. Once on the same level as her wincing opponent, she leans in as if to whisper something close to Wolfie’s ear.

Wolverina begins to scream.

Fuzz: OH-MY-GOD! KAHLAN IS BITTING HER EAR OFF!
Al: FUCK-OH-FUCK-OH-FUCK!

Kahlan takes her head back, where there is fresh blood on her lips. She looks once into Wolverina’s eyes and then slams her torn forehead into the pretty cute nose of the Christian Cutie Pie. There is a slight crunching noise proceeded by an explosion of blood out of Wolverina’s nostrils. The sudden impact, combined with the sharp pain no doubt, stuns the Nebraskan into stumbling back, separating her from the Geordie. Kahlan increases this distance by shoving the Princess back whilst she brings her hands up to her face. The rough gesture forces the challenger to move over the steel chair which lay behind her. Kahlan picks up the said chair, brings it above her head and introduces it to Wolfie’s head, so ferociously that she herself stumbles to her knees. Sitting there with her face covered in blood, Kahlan looks across at the sprawled out Wolverina. All around her the majority of the crowd are jeering. There is however, a small die hard, hardcore group of fans which previously silent are now chanting her name. Kahlan though doesn’t seem to hear either of those factions. She looks spent. She just remains there on her knees, staring at Wolverina.

Matt: I think Kahlan’s passed out sitting up. She isn’t moving or anything.
Al: Her eyes are still open though. Maybe she just doesn’t know what else to do. Or maybe she can’t move anymore.
Fuzz: I’m concerned about Wolverina. Her nose is, well it looks weird. And it is bleeding. And she isn’t sat up like Kahlan is. JESUS, her eyes are shut as well!
Al: Maybe she is dead.
Fuzz: WHAT?

Minutes pass by in this state. Eventually, the referee decides to interfere to which Kahlan sharply reacts by throwing a withering look towards him. He steps away, but Kahlan seems to have woken up. She labours to slide herself across and on top of Wolverina. There is a sadistic expression curtaining over her bloodied features as she seats herself on her opponent’s stomach. Wolverina still isn’t moving. Kahlan gently runs her fingers underneath each of Wolverina’s straps on either shoulder. She viciously yanks back, tearing up the straps to pull the grey top under Wolfie’s bra covered breasts. Still there is no sign of life from Wolverina. To everyone’s horror, from under the apron just to their left, Kahlan pulls out an infamous blade.

Al: LOOK IT IS THE LITTLE K! THE LITTLE K HAS RETURNED! YOU JUST KNOW WHAT IS TO HAPPEN NEXT! KAHLAN IS GOIN TO STAB WOLVERINA! SHE IS GOING TO MURDER HER!
Fuzz: SHE CAN’T DO THAT! … Can she?
Matt: The question should be… who is going to stop her? I think this is really getting out of hand and no one can do anything about it. They’ve signed their contracts. EVERYONE AGREED TO THIS!
Fuzz: But surely Kahlan isn’t going to stab Wolverina to death!

Looking like pure evil in flesh, the bloodied Brit runs the blade slowly over Wolverina’s exposed chest. The pointy head of the metallic end, under Kahlan’s direct control, draws a very small circle just above Wolverina’s heart. There is no sign of life from the Nebraskan. The live audience are now off the edge of their seats, every single one of them standing startled into dumb silence. Not a peep comes out of anyone. Kahlan remains atop dragging Little K’s edge across the skin, over the vital organs of Wolfie, deliberating her next move. She indeed does fit the term demonised, and not just by looks. There is murder in her eyes. Everyone gasps at Kahlan’s next sudden movement. They didn’t need to worry, she didn’t use little K. Instead with her free hand, Kahlan ripped the top clear off of Wolfie and threw it aside. Her next move though re-evokes the horror within the Boston arena. Pointedly, Kahlan places the point of the blade just above the exposed navel of Wolfie. Ever so slowly she drags the blade upwards and across the woman’s stomach, solar plexus and up onto the breast bone. It creeps on sliding under the bra. There is a sharp twist and the bra is snapped in half.

Fuzz: OH-MY-GOD! THOSE ARE… THOSE ARE…
Matt: BEEEEWWWBIIIEEEESSS!

Wolverina’s eyes pop open. Kahlan drops little K aside and lands the first of many violent punches to come, onto the exposed skull. The series of strikes stun Wolverina enough to give Kahlan the opportunity to stand up. She takes a step forward over Wolverina’s head and turns to grab at her hair. Clutching two fistfuls of it, she drags the Princess along through the grip she has. Kahlan continues doing so until she reaches the mesh steel and leans Wolverina’s back onto it. A couple of stomps onto Wolfie’s exposed chest bury the struggles out of her, leaving the challenger powerless. Only then does Kahlan allow herself to turn in search for the object of her desire. The wounds on her back seem to re-open when Kahlan reaches down for the Kendo-stick.

Fuzz: I can’t watch this anymore.

Kahlan staggers back over to where Wolfie is laid. She brings the stick up, past her ear, fully erect. Her eyes squint to target the exposed pair.

“Haven… I ALWAYS KNEW THEY WERE FAKE!”

WHACK!

TBCB HAVEN