Post by Cletus & Big Jim on Mar 25, 2013 20:35:11 GMT -5
An advertisement for “Super Specs” winds down, with a red-haired man sneering at the camera and a number of flashing at the bottom of the screen.
We’re back to TNT and greeted by a middle aged man, his hair slicked back and his teeth a dazzling white. Dressed in rich apparel and costly array he holds a microphone in a bedazzled hand and announces:
This is Handsome Henry Kelly, reporting from the speed stick room, here with Big Jim, the King of the Deathmatch.
The camera pulls wide we see Big Jim, coated in his many furs; the death match title barely visible at the bottom of the screen.
What happened to little Charlie?
Well, GHW is moving up in the world, and that goes for the backstage staff.
Is that so? You got a pretty mouth….
Henry fidgets and clears his throat.
There has been a lot going on here in GHW and I want to get your opinions on all that, but first, I have to ask, where’s Cletus?
Cletus is back with ol’ lonesome pines; he’s training. They don’t seem to have much use for him these days and he wants to make sure he stays sharp. He’s back on the island right now getting ready for when the Logging Crew heads back into the ring. You know Henry, a lotta folks have been talking to me, saying, ‘you should get rid of that guy; he’s holding you back; Cletus is the weak link.' Well I’ll tell you this, Cletus the Lumberjack is my partner and the only reason people wanna see us go our separate ways is because they’re scared, scared of the most dangerous tag team in GHW today. I said it before, and I’ll say it again, you can hope Logging Crew will split, but hope in one hand, and shit and the other, and see which one gets filled first.
Fair enough Jim, but I can’t see the Logging Crew doing too much damage any time soon. You are the King of the Deathmatch you know, and the challengers for that title are certainly piling up heading into Rise of the Fighty fighty persons.
Jim holds up the twisted steel on a bovine peel
This belt? You folks don’t listen too well do you? The victory over Jerry Nate was more important than this title ever will be. Hell, I’d give it to Doran’s but he says it isn’t worth anything.
We got some tape on that, I think, can we roll it?
The tape begins looking at a large sign that reads Doran’s Bottle Exchange and Salvage. Big Jim strides into frame, with Cletus close behind. They rap on the corrugated metal gate and Moses Doran shows up to answer.
Waddya got Jim?
Only this here belt I won, what’s it worth?
Christ! What’s that? Stainless steel? Chrome maybe? Come here, come here and see somethin’!
The camera follows all three men as they head inside. Moses shuffles along, past huge vats of bottles and cans where workers are struggling not to drown in backwash, then stacks of used car batteries, cardboard boxes of copper, brass and other precious metals. Finally, nailed to the back wall are the WWF and WCW hardcore titles.
Ya see them? There’s some value in them, not much, but some. A feed of Hermits wine and baloney at least. That belt ya got there, I wouldn’t give you the bait in our rat trap. Yer better off stealing copper wire. Hey, turn off that camera! Goddamn government’ll show up; give me that zonin’ crap….
We return to the live feed and Handsome Henry is looking thoughtfully at the monitor while Big Jim sneers to himself.
You see that Henry, not worth a damn thing. I’m already feeling a few offers and maybe I can get something for it, there’s some people around who are anxious to show that they’ve made it.
What are you saying Jim?
Like the man used to say, everyone has got a price.
We’ll all right then, I’ll leave that be, for now. Now, as I said before, what’s your opinion on all that’s been going on here in GHW lately?
You mean what went down between Dustin Delta and Wolverina?
Well yeah, for starters.
I said it a few weeks ago, Josh was polishing his knob nightly on account of the People’s Princess; he wanted her something awful. Well, he got her, didn’t he? What I don’t understand is her, what exactly was he gonna do to her if she didn’t haul Delta’s ashes? Kill her? Now they call her the Christian Cutie I hear, and she’s all holier than thou. Now it’s been awhile since I thumbed through the good book, but I’m pretty sure when they threatened old JC, he didn’t exactly run for the hills. Hell, all of his friends ran, but later they nutted up and they all became martyrs too. Except for that one guy Henry, that one guy who, like Wolverina, decided he didn’t like the look of things and just wanted to get paid. Judas did it for 30 pieces of silver, she did it for gold belt. Looks like betrayal to me, no matter how you slice it. You sold out what you believed for a crack at a piece of leather. So don’t go blaming ol’Jaggeroth when all you see is a whore in the mirror.
Well that to just about says it all, or at least I'm going to cut you off right there. I saw Buster Cherry the other day eating a hamburger with those mangled hands of his…never again. Now, what about those privateers?
Bill Davidson and John Blake have been an albatross around the necks of the Logging Crew for years. That said, I’m rooting for them tonight against the Legion. I’m even rooting for them at the pay per view too, because if they win the titles that just means Cletus and I can have the pleasure of taking them from them. Those boys won’t duck us like Millson and Simpson have and they won’t run to the GM and bitch either.
Looks like that just leaves your steel cage match tonight.
I guess it does. Jerry, if you want this belt, you can have it. I honestly don’t care about it. When I do care about is fighting you and finishing this thing of ours. People say it’s been close between us. You just beat me on TNT and I just beat you at DoD. Just. Well the time is coming fast, and I think that day is here, when it won’t be just. Tonight in a cage someone will walk out and with his hand raised, and someone won’t, and the line between victor and vanquished...
There's a tumult in the distance, muffled shouts are heard, and the clamour of equipment cast aside. Jim cranes his neck to see what the stir is and grimaces.
What are they doing here?
The cameraman stumbles backward and Henry flees.
C’mon you fuckers, ol’painless is waitin’…
The Privateers stand opposite Big Jim.
TBCB-Privateers
We’re back to TNT and greeted by a middle aged man, his hair slicked back and his teeth a dazzling white. Dressed in rich apparel and costly array he holds a microphone in a bedazzled hand and announces:
This is Handsome Henry Kelly, reporting from the speed stick room, here with Big Jim, the King of the Deathmatch.
The camera pulls wide we see Big Jim, coated in his many furs; the death match title barely visible at the bottom of the screen.
What happened to little Charlie?
Well, GHW is moving up in the world, and that goes for the backstage staff.
Is that so? You got a pretty mouth….
Henry fidgets and clears his throat.
There has been a lot going on here in GHW and I want to get your opinions on all that, but first, I have to ask, where’s Cletus?
Cletus is back with ol’ lonesome pines; he’s training. They don’t seem to have much use for him these days and he wants to make sure he stays sharp. He’s back on the island right now getting ready for when the Logging Crew heads back into the ring. You know Henry, a lotta folks have been talking to me, saying, ‘you should get rid of that guy; he’s holding you back; Cletus is the weak link.' Well I’ll tell you this, Cletus the Lumberjack is my partner and the only reason people wanna see us go our separate ways is because they’re scared, scared of the most dangerous tag team in GHW today. I said it before, and I’ll say it again, you can hope Logging Crew will split, but hope in one hand, and shit and the other, and see which one gets filled first.
Fair enough Jim, but I can’t see the Logging Crew doing too much damage any time soon. You are the King of the Deathmatch you know, and the challengers for that title are certainly piling up heading into Rise of the Fighty fighty persons.
Jim holds up the twisted steel on a bovine peel
This belt? You folks don’t listen too well do you? The victory over Jerry Nate was more important than this title ever will be. Hell, I’d give it to Doran’s but he says it isn’t worth anything.
We got some tape on that, I think, can we roll it?
The tape begins looking at a large sign that reads Doran’s Bottle Exchange and Salvage. Big Jim strides into frame, with Cletus close behind. They rap on the corrugated metal gate and Moses Doran shows up to answer.
Waddya got Jim?
Only this here belt I won, what’s it worth?
Christ! What’s that? Stainless steel? Chrome maybe? Come here, come here and see somethin’!
The camera follows all three men as they head inside. Moses shuffles along, past huge vats of bottles and cans where workers are struggling not to drown in backwash, then stacks of used car batteries, cardboard boxes of copper, brass and other precious metals. Finally, nailed to the back wall are the WWF and WCW hardcore titles.
Ya see them? There’s some value in them, not much, but some. A feed of Hermits wine and baloney at least. That belt ya got there, I wouldn’t give you the bait in our rat trap. Yer better off stealing copper wire. Hey, turn off that camera! Goddamn government’ll show up; give me that zonin’ crap….
We return to the live feed and Handsome Henry is looking thoughtfully at the monitor while Big Jim sneers to himself.
You see that Henry, not worth a damn thing. I’m already feeling a few offers and maybe I can get something for it, there’s some people around who are anxious to show that they’ve made it.
What are you saying Jim?
Like the man used to say, everyone has got a price.
We’ll all right then, I’ll leave that be, for now. Now, as I said before, what’s your opinion on all that’s been going on here in GHW lately?
You mean what went down between Dustin Delta and Wolverina?
Well yeah, for starters.
I said it a few weeks ago, Josh was polishing his knob nightly on account of the People’s Princess; he wanted her something awful. Well, he got her, didn’t he? What I don’t understand is her, what exactly was he gonna do to her if she didn’t haul Delta’s ashes? Kill her? Now they call her the Christian Cutie I hear, and she’s all holier than thou. Now it’s been awhile since I thumbed through the good book, but I’m pretty sure when they threatened old JC, he didn’t exactly run for the hills. Hell, all of his friends ran, but later they nutted up and they all became martyrs too. Except for that one guy Henry, that one guy who, like Wolverina, decided he didn’t like the look of things and just wanted to get paid. Judas did it for 30 pieces of silver, she did it for gold belt. Looks like betrayal to me, no matter how you slice it. You sold out what you believed for a crack at a piece of leather. So don’t go blaming ol’Jaggeroth when all you see is a whore in the mirror.
Well that to just about says it all, or at least I'm going to cut you off right there. I saw Buster Cherry the other day eating a hamburger with those mangled hands of his…never again. Now, what about those privateers?
Bill Davidson and John Blake have been an albatross around the necks of the Logging Crew for years. That said, I’m rooting for them tonight against the Legion. I’m even rooting for them at the pay per view too, because if they win the titles that just means Cletus and I can have the pleasure of taking them from them. Those boys won’t duck us like Millson and Simpson have and they won’t run to the GM and bitch either.
Looks like that just leaves your steel cage match tonight.
I guess it does. Jerry, if you want this belt, you can have it. I honestly don’t care about it. When I do care about is fighting you and finishing this thing of ours. People say it’s been close between us. You just beat me on TNT and I just beat you at DoD. Just. Well the time is coming fast, and I think that day is here, when it won’t be just. Tonight in a cage someone will walk out and with his hand raised, and someone won’t, and the line between victor and vanquished...
There's a tumult in the distance, muffled shouts are heard, and the clamour of equipment cast aside. Jim cranes his neck to see what the stir is and grimaces.
What are they doing here?
The cameraman stumbles backward and Henry flees.
C’mon you fuckers, ol’painless is waitin’…
The Privateers stand opposite Big Jim.
TBCB-Privateers