Post by Ryan Hughes on May 27, 2010 15:57:55 GMT -5
THE SMARK-O-METER
EPISODE ONE
EPISODE ONE
This scene opens in front of a posh looking building, which is closer inspection turns out to be a health clinic. As the scene changes, the view seems to be a normal one, with a plain door, and a plain wall surrounding it. But when you look at the clipboard hung on the door, and the writing upon it, you can tell that the contents of this room will be anything other than normal. As the door to Smarky Smark’s room opens, an eerie glow can be seen reflected upon the walls, making them dance with color. The camera pans, showing Mr. Smark in his signature trenchcoat, playing GHW: Rebirth 2010 on XBOX 360; the resulting television graphics causing the glow.
“Damnit. Why do managers always get given the shit stats on here?”
Just before Smarky sets up a match between himself and Jaggeroth, he notices the cameraman’s presence. Jumping slightly, he forms a grin on his face before addressing the waiting public.
“Hello humanoids, and may I welcome you to the first of MANY episodes of the Smark-O-Meter!”
Smarky presses a button on a device in his hand, and instantly, the room fills with cheers- fake ones obviously. Followers of Ryan Hughes’ career would know the novelty of said action. Pressing the button once more, the cheers halt, and the room falls in to near silence, apart from the background music of the video game.
“Now, GHW Management practically begged me to host this show, because ever since Metal Dragon assaulted me, ratings have slipped somewhat. Without further ado, let’s get this show on the road!”
Smarky walks across the room, until he reaches a massive green figure, which to most folk, simply looks like a giant bong with stickers on it.
“Not bad, huh? This is the Smark-O-Meter! It is a complicated and well-worked scientific device, which tracks the goings on of all superstars in GHW, before transmitting data accordingly, depending on which superstar is most valuable in a certain week.”
An awkward pause consumes the room.
“Well, no... I just put stickers on it of the people I think have done well. Anyway, this week has been epic, to be honest. NeXuS has been and gone, and the rebirth of this company is in full swing! This first episode will focus on the supporting cast at NeXuS. Don’t worry too much, folks. The men from the DeathMatch will get their share of the spotlight in our next episode. So, in descending order...”
He slaps the first sticker on the Smark-O-Meter- or should that be stickers.
“Step forward GangstaBalls, who are at number five this week. The team of the Human Wreckingball and Young Gangsta may have lost to the Psychotic Circus, but they put up one hell of a fight against two of the best in the company, and I like to reward such actions. I am kind after all... Anyway, they take on two of Jaggeroth’s lackeys in Johnny Enmity and GreenSpark, both of whom are nursing wounds from the three tiers of terror. Surely this will be their first “W” on the board?”
Smarky slaps the next sticker on the bong-like sculpture, directly above the duo of GangstaBalls.
“At number four is The Proeliator. He solidified his return with a hard fought victory over Eddie Hall. Granted, he took as much as he gave, and Eddie did push him to the limit, but I don’t know. I see something in the Pro, something that can help him rise to the top of the pile- behind Ryan Hughes, obviously. It’s Mr. Pyro for Pro next on LIVE!, so he needs to be wary. That katana might be swung at any time. Reminds me of that one time when- never mind. Now who’s next?”
He bends over to get the next sticker, before slapping it above the previous one.
“Number three now, and it’s the new guy, Tommy Musashi. Trained by the Hyper One himself, apparently. So how he got on my Smark-O-Meter is news to me, seeing as my man Ryan ripped Hyper Elf apart in his first match in EVPW! Differences aside, Musashi put on a diligent showing, disposing of Seraphiel, a man who does NOT go down easily for anyone. Shows this kid has hutzpah, daring to make the seasoned veteran bleed in his first match. Here’s hoping his streak can continue.”
As Smarky gets the next pair of singers, he begins to sing a Frank Sinatra classic.
“I got you, under my... SKIRT!”
Smiling to himself, he puts the stickers up on the S-O-M.
“At numero dos are the... ahem... forced pairing of Jaggeroth and Haven Cassady, otherwise known as the Heaven and Hell Alligned Champions, The Psychotic Circus. They overcame the stubborn team of GangstaBalls, proving that they have balls of their own. See what I did there? Whatever. Credit where credit’s due, they held on to the straps. If the rumours of Wolfie’s leaving are true, all I can say is... WHY THE HELL DIDN’T I PLOW HER?!”
Disgruntled, he lifts up the final sticker, placing it with care at the pointed top of the Smark-O-Meter.
“Ladies and Gentlemen, your number one, ANOTHER member of the Psychotic Circus, Darth That Guy! Let’s give him a round of applause!”
He taps the button of his device again, letting more fake applause fill the room, before switching it off again.
“Darth put on a clinic in the Home Run Derby, which I must say was a delight for me to watch, despite the crappy non-HD television in this dump. He proved why he is the King of the DeathMatch, adapting to his surroundings like a duck to water, and smiting the maiden Wolverina. It also helps that I had a bet on him, and Retard Dave had to give me his monthly allowance. Gotta love the Sith, haven’t you? Question is- can he stay the King of the Smark-O-Meter? Tune in next week to find out! Wait, no, that’s the DeathMatch special... tell you what, just tune the fuck in. Smarky out.”
The camera pans to show the whole of the Smark-O-Meter, giving viewers a chance to get a glimpse of the results if they just tuned in, or didn’t understand the Shaman of Sci-Fi one bit.
OFFICIAL RESULTS
5. GANGSTABALLS
4. THE PROELIATOR
3. TOMMY MUSASHI
2. PSYCHOTIC CIRCUS (JAGGEROTH AND WOLVERINA)
1. DARTH THAT GUY
As said in the prologue, this DOES NOT include the NeXuS Deathmatch people. That episode will be next week, and solely focused on them.
