Post by JD Elliott on Apr 15, 2011 19:15:02 GMT -5
This.
End of RP
Oh, what. No. Anyways, the camera opens to a bar, filled with zero attractive women. No fat chicks. Now for the important stuff. In the corner of the bar, Jeff Daniel Elliott is seen arm wrestling with a bear, in this case bear is not slang for a hairy, muscular homosexual, it is a real black bear. The camera zooms on the sweat dripping from JD's forehead into the bear's paw. Both...men? I don't know if the bear is a male or not...I'll just assume it is. OUT OF NOWHERE JD superkicks the bear. Winning the contest, by what logic you ask, I've got not a clue. Sadden in his/her defeat, the bear sulks its way out of the bar. In amazement of his glorious battle against the bear, the bartender leans over the counter and shouts the Heavenly words to JD...
"50 CENTS OFF YOUR NEXT BEER!"
JD looks at him, blood flowing from his mouth, and nods. With a new beer in his hands, 50 cents cheaper that is ONLY AT DAVE'S SPORT BAR, WINK! With that out of the way, JD slowly sips on his beer, and then begins to speak...
"Looks like I destroyed that bear...with my. BARE HANDS!"
Elliott begins cracking up and falls out of his seat, onto the cold, hard bar floor, covered in peanut shells, and what appears to be blood...and...and some white substance...I hope that is just whip cream. JD stands back on his feet, looking into the camera, and holds up a sign, saying nothing on it.
"I'm not drunk, I'll tell ya when I've had enough. YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW ME! I'm Jeff Daniel Elliott though. Sexiest man alive...BARE HANDS! Oh, man. Every time from now on. Anytime someone says 'Bare Hands,' I'll spill all of my urine and blood into their mouths with laughter. Now, if we can be SERIOUS FOR A MOMENT! Last week, I lost to a woman."
JD looks down at the floor, weeping softly, and smashes the beer bottle against his head. The bartender looks on from a distance, tears forming in his eye sockets. Elliott runs his hand over his head and wiping his forehead of sweat. Now it is just covered in blood and booze. Sounds like a Saturday night with teh OLD LADY AM I RIGHT FELLAS?!
"No."
Don't have to be a dick about it JD...don't have to be as dick.
"Now. I also lost to Shawn Dreamer. A guy who is a Fighty fighty person in this company, that wrestles against others in this company. I have to say. Shawn. Keep on dreaming that you'll beat me. Because I looked online at all of the 'dirt sheets' and they said that YOU! YES YOU! These 'MARKS' said that you got, and I quote, 'Pwn'd by JD Elliott, elitezor1337.' Now, I have not a clue what that means, but my name was in it. Making it five million times better. Also, this video evidence right HERE...shows that I won that match fair and square. Let's take a look see."
JD pulls out this VHS out of his pants and begins searching for a VHS player thing. The sober bartender looks over to JD with despair in his eyes and hangs his head in shame.
"What's...a...VHS?"
JD's eyes flare up and the anger inside of him is just building up like a cool river being thrown at a fire. JD flies across the bar, aiming his feet at the bartender's nose. The bartender does a gorilla press over the bar and grabs Elliott's feet, proceeding to slam him into the side of the bar. The force of the bartender sends JD through the wood-finished bar, sending splinters of wood everywhere, mostly on the ground. JD stands up with a wood splinter his in hand, well, like, mostly in between his fingers. HIS FINGERS ARE HOLDING IT!
"Time to die. Bartender Mik...Mic..Mi..I NEVER LEARNED HOW TO READ GOOD!"
JD throws the wood splinter right into the forehead of the bartender, whose name was Ben, and his head explodes. Candy flies everywhere, mostly in the mouths of Mexican kids. I think they may have jumped over the border by the way...ANYWAYS. JD stands over his fallen opponent, sucking on a lollipop with bubblegum in the center. JD is now chewing on the gum and grinning like a twisted bastard.
"Looks like I just blew you."
With that, JD throws the lollipop on Bartender Ben's chest and slowly begins to walk out of the bar with spaghetti Western music playing in the background. The camera slowly fades to black and the world yawns.
Serious End of RP.
End of RP
Oh, what. No. Anyways, the camera opens to a bar, filled with zero attractive women. No fat chicks. Now for the important stuff. In the corner of the bar, Jeff Daniel Elliott is seen arm wrestling with a bear, in this case bear is not slang for a hairy, muscular homosexual, it is a real black bear. The camera zooms on the sweat dripping from JD's forehead into the bear's paw. Both...men? I don't know if the bear is a male or not...I'll just assume it is. OUT OF NOWHERE JD superkicks the bear. Winning the contest, by what logic you ask, I've got not a clue. Sadden in his/her defeat, the bear sulks its way out of the bar. In amazement of his glorious battle against the bear, the bartender leans over the counter and shouts the Heavenly words to JD...
"50 CENTS OFF YOUR NEXT BEER!"
JD looks at him, blood flowing from his mouth, and nods. With a new beer in his hands, 50 cents cheaper that is ONLY AT DAVE'S SPORT BAR, WINK! With that out of the way, JD slowly sips on his beer, and then begins to speak...
"Looks like I destroyed that bear...with my. BARE HANDS!"
Elliott begins cracking up and falls out of his seat, onto the cold, hard bar floor, covered in peanut shells, and what appears to be blood...and...and some white substance...I hope that is just whip cream. JD stands back on his feet, looking into the camera, and holds up a sign, saying nothing on it.
"I'm not drunk, I'll tell ya when I've had enough. YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW ME! I'm Jeff Daniel Elliott though. Sexiest man alive...BARE HANDS! Oh, man. Every time from now on. Anytime someone says 'Bare Hands,' I'll spill all of my urine and blood into their mouths with laughter. Now, if we can be SERIOUS FOR A MOMENT! Last week, I lost to a woman."
JD looks down at the floor, weeping softly, and smashes the beer bottle against his head. The bartender looks on from a distance, tears forming in his eye sockets. Elliott runs his hand over his head and wiping his forehead of sweat. Now it is just covered in blood and booze. Sounds like a Saturday night with teh OLD LADY AM I RIGHT FELLAS?!
"No."
Don't have to be a dick about it JD...don't have to be as dick.
"Now. I also lost to Shawn Dreamer. A guy who is a Fighty fighty person in this company, that wrestles against others in this company. I have to say. Shawn. Keep on dreaming that you'll beat me. Because I looked online at all of the 'dirt sheets' and they said that YOU! YES YOU! These 'MARKS' said that you got, and I quote, 'Pwn'd by JD Elliott, elitezor1337.' Now, I have not a clue what that means, but my name was in it. Making it five million times better. Also, this video evidence right HERE...shows that I won that match fair and square. Let's take a look see."
JD pulls out this VHS out of his pants and begins searching for a VHS player thing. The sober bartender looks over to JD with despair in his eyes and hangs his head in shame.
"What's...a...VHS?"
JD's eyes flare up and the anger inside of him is just building up like a cool river being thrown at a fire. JD flies across the bar, aiming his feet at the bartender's nose. The bartender does a gorilla press over the bar and grabs Elliott's feet, proceeding to slam him into the side of the bar. The force of the bartender sends JD through the wood-finished bar, sending splinters of wood everywhere, mostly on the ground. JD stands up with a wood splinter his in hand, well, like, mostly in between his fingers. HIS FINGERS ARE HOLDING IT!
"Time to die. Bartender Mik...Mic..Mi..I NEVER LEARNED HOW TO READ GOOD!"
JD throws the wood splinter right into the forehead of the bartender, whose name was Ben, and his head explodes. Candy flies everywhere, mostly in the mouths of Mexican kids. I think they may have jumped over the border by the way...ANYWAYS. JD stands over his fallen opponent, sucking on a lollipop with bubblegum in the center. JD is now chewing on the gum and grinning like a twisted bastard.
"Looks like I just blew you."
With that, JD throws the lollipop on Bartender Ben's chest and slowly begins to walk out of the bar with spaghetti Western music playing in the background. The camera slowly fades to black and the world yawns.
Serious End of RP.