Post by Public Enemies on Jun 21, 2011 12:25:43 GMT -5
Our own Charlie Coors ventures backstage to gain some info from the newest CUT SQUAD member, Nicholas Carson.
Coors: Fans, I am standing out here about to get ready to ask Carson a few words. As we all know, he's been going on about becoming a Cut Squad member, and has basically announced himself as their newest member, which has not been confirmed. I am going to get to the bottom of this, just so there's no confusion for you all.
He knocks and the doors creaks open a little bit, with nobody there to greet him. Taking this as a sign of permission to enter, Coors goes in with the camera man following him. Charlie immediately stops and points to the left side of the room, where the camera pans to. A shrine has been set up, showing an entire wall full of nothing but pictures of Kahlan in her sexy poses, wrestling matches, and even some regular photos shot in secret, indicating that perhaps Nicholas has been dabbling in some stalker type voyeurism. Coors shakes his head in disgust and quickly moves along, going in the direction of some light singing he hears coming from the back of the room. A pungent odor hits his nostrils, forcing him to plug up his nose as he bravely carries on. Upon coming to a door that is already opened, Coors peeks his head in, noticing that it is a bathroom/shower area, except it has been modified to only fit a huge bath tub. And it so happens that inside the bath tub is the nefarious Nicholas Carson, just leaned back and chilling there.
Coors: I better get a raise for this shit.
Nicky is already aware of his presence and motions him to come in. They hurry in, both fighting back the urge to vomit from the horrible smell alone.
Coors: Carson, good god man, what is that SMELL?
Nicholas: Suck-Cess, oh and whiskey, see.
Carson points to the tub he is in, and the camera pans into it, showing that the Narcotic Necromancer has filled it up not with water, but whiskey, mostly JD and JB. Carson dunks himself into it, disappearing for a good 20 seconds before emerging back to the surface adjusting his mask and making a few odd sounds.
Nicholas: I'm bathing in suck-cess, get it? You've caught me in a rare good mood, so you better make your questions good and fast, then get the fuck out.
Dumbfounded at first, Coors just looks on with a confused expression before tapping out of it and becoming his professional self.
Coors: Uh, well, okay. This whole thing with you wanting to be in Cut Squad, please clear it up for us. You have basically announced you're their new member, yet it has not been confirmed by them. Actually, earlier on it looked like Kahlan flat out rejected your request. And what's up with that shrine to Kahlan in the other room?
Nicholas: No she didn't. We were just negotiating. I am their newest member, they just don't realize it yet. And about the shrine, well I am not one to beat around the bush, I GORE THE BUSH! Do you hear that Kahlan, I gore it. Don't abhor the gore. But I am going to give you the juicy details, Coors. I fancy Kahlan. I have a crush on her. The woman is sexy as hell, will rob a vending machine just like I would, and can kick alot of ass. She's like the Lara Croft of the wrestling world. Not only that, but she is a key member, and one of the main reasons I want in Cut Squad. It's a win-win situation for all parties involved.
Coors: WOW! What a revelation. I am not sure what Kahlan's reply to that will be, but good luck on that part. But, Nicky, you've got some serious obstacles in your way, such as Shawn Dreamer, a member of Cut Squad. I mean, let's face it, would you honestly fit well with them, especially Dreamer?
Nicholas: Charlie, it's like this. We're negotiating. They wanna see what I can bring to the table. So what I am going to do is go out there, beat the fuck out of Dreamer, dismember his body if need be, and show Kahlan that by defeating Shawn I should be allowed in. If that is not good enough, then I'll go all the way and win the H-Games and take possession of the KOTDM Title.
Coors takes a deep breath, still fighting courageously against the vomit that is wanting to fly up and out.
Coors: But, Nicky, Dominik Santiago is in the tournament as well. There's a good chance he will make it to the finals, and if you beat Dreamer, it'll be down to you two. How would a loss to the Lord of the Flies look on your resume at the Cut Squad negotiating table?
Angered by the insulting question, the Mauler splashes some of the whiskey from the tub up and all over Coors and his camera man.
Nicholas: You smart mouthed little prick. Fuck Dom. I tried several times to get him in the ring for his Solid Core title in EVPW, but the chicken shit would always find some excuse to back out, or would only fight under non-title rules. So he probably will not even show up for the match, and if he does, I'll beat him gooder than the white man used to beat their lazy ass slaves. Nobody cares about Dom anymore, and don't want to see another double champion walking around here. It's bad enough I have to endure Hayden's smiling, selfish little ass walking around here pulling a Red Ryder Wagon full of titles. I am going to win the KOTDM title, then officially become Cut Squad, and after that I'll bed that sweet Ladder Queen down nice and proper, breed her good and make a woman out of her yet. You just wait and see. Now GET THE FUCK OUT!
At the door now, Coors get a little bold before exiting.
Coors: Did you say, "gooder"?
Nicholas: Don't correct my grammar mother-fucker. I'm from the south, we pronounce with our fists.
In more anger, Carson raises a Kahlan toy action figure from the tub, and acts like he is going to hurl it at them. The toy is bent over in a sexual style position, with one of the legs missing. Coors points at the toy, and simply shakes his head, not at all wanting information on how or why the leg is missing, knowing it'll probably be something to do with Carson's perverse fantasies. They finally exit in a hurry, after having the toy chucked at them...
What does this new addition mean to the CUT SQUAD? Tune in to TUESDAY NIGHT TRIUMPH to find out!
