Post by #XIST on Jan 12, 2012 7:50:44 GMT -5
Hello…
A generic 1980’s drum roll hits, quickly accompanied by subliminal flashes of chiselled abs and rippling biceps… the camera rapidly zooming in on a pair of steeled blue, intense eyes.
"MY name is Johnny Jailbait!"
‘You’re The Best’ by Joe Esposito hits and various images splash across the monitors, a montage of the genetically fortunate warrior that is Johnny Jailbait sprinting track, throwing footballs and performing chin-ups, shining in his own sweat, a well-oiled platinum blonde specimen of greatness. Nothing seems to stop the man, gulping down eggs yolks, skipping like a champion boxer, ZUMBA classes, texting chicas! The intensity back and forth between headshots of the Washington natives ivory-white set of teeth.
"I am young."
"I am dynamic."
"I am popular."
The images become more eclectic… yearbook pages, football punts, ladies on every arm, the clips randomly reverting to Johnny pounding into frozen pigs in slaughterhouses, skipping like a man possessed… the footage one point fixating on an intimidating bulge in Johnny’s tights.
"I have five thousand Facebook friends."
"I’m only the most popular guy in wrestling history.."
Egg gulping. PIGSKIN. Skipping. YEARBOOK. Pelvic pump. ZUMBA. Sprinting. Boxing. PELVIC PUMP. The images seem to just belt out on a production line, climatic music building and building and just like that, it stops, focusing on Johnny Jailbait facing the camera with a football over his crotch.
"SMILEY FACE."
The footage fades to black, leaving only a simple message…
#JOHNNYJAILBAITISCOMING
A generic 1980’s drum roll hits, quickly accompanied by subliminal flashes of chiselled abs and rippling biceps… the camera rapidly zooming in on a pair of steeled blue, intense eyes.
"MY name is Johnny Jailbait!"
‘You’re The Best’ by Joe Esposito hits and various images splash across the monitors, a montage of the genetically fortunate warrior that is Johnny Jailbait sprinting track, throwing footballs and performing chin-ups, shining in his own sweat, a well-oiled platinum blonde specimen of greatness. Nothing seems to stop the man, gulping down eggs yolks, skipping like a champion boxer, ZUMBA classes, texting chicas! The intensity back and forth between headshots of the Washington natives ivory-white set of teeth.
"I am young."
"I am dynamic."
"I am popular."
The images become more eclectic… yearbook pages, football punts, ladies on every arm, the clips randomly reverting to Johnny pounding into frozen pigs in slaughterhouses, skipping like a man possessed… the footage one point fixating on an intimidating bulge in Johnny’s tights.
"I have five thousand Facebook friends."
"I’m only the most popular guy in wrestling history.."
Egg gulping. PIGSKIN. Skipping. YEARBOOK. Pelvic pump. ZUMBA. Sprinting. Boxing. PELVIC PUMP. The images seem to just belt out on a production line, climatic music building and building and just like that, it stops, focusing on Johnny Jailbait facing the camera with a football over his crotch.
"SMILEY FACE."
The footage fades to black, leaving only a simple message…
#JOHNNYJAILBAITISCOMING
