Post by Psychotic Circus on Nov 16, 2012 7:10:16 GMT -5
-The scene begins with Charlie Coors sneaking around the GHW backstage area, his little jew afro bobbing around as he sneaks behind some crates and kneels down low. His finger came up to his mouth and shushed.-
Coors-"Shuuuu! Be very very, very quiet. I'm hunting Nate."
-The cameraman lifts his equipment up, giving us a shot of an expensive looking bottle of Johnny Walker Blue sitting on the ground, a red X painted on the concrete below it. A few seconds pass before a head peers over some boxes on the other side. Jerry Nate gazed upon the beautiful sight before he tip toed over to the bottle, his hands raised while the KOTDM dangled from his waist. He creeped up on the bottle and slowly lowered his body and grabbed the neck.-
"NOW!"
-Jerry perked up like a deer caught in the headlights as Charlie pulled on a rope, causing a net to drop from the ceiling. Jerry grabbed his hips and quickly pulled his best Billy Ray Cyrus impersonation and boot scooted his ass out away from the trap before going into a dead sprint.-
Jerry Nate-"As fast as fast can be, you'll never interview me, Coors!"
Hugo the Cameraman-"Errrm, he getting away Boss..."
"Time for my final solution!"
-Coors pulled a rifle out and leveraged it over the production boxes, taking his time to aim before the shot rang out down the hall. The shirt over Jerry's back rippled before he slowed and spun around , landing lopsided over a catering table and crashing through it.-
"I think ya' killed him, Boss..."
-Coors motioned for Hugo to follow as he cocked the rifle, keeping it pointed straight at Jerry's ass. The camera showed a dart sticking from The Satisfying One's shoulder and his mouth drooling foam.-
"...fuck...fuck yo' couch, nigga..."
-Charlie Coors dropped the rifle and bent over, struggling to bring Jerry Nate up to his feet. The craft cheese and crackers sticking to his body were quickly wiped away before the microphone was brought up to Coor's mouth.-
"Jerry Nate! GHW's newest King of the deathmatch champion! What a coincidence to find you backstage, knowing your busy drinking schedule, why not give us an interview?"
"North Korea uses more subtle methods than you, Charlie...What do you want from me?"
"The GHW universe wants to know-"
"Fans..."
"Excuse me?"
"They're fans. Not a universe. You don't see the NFL calling their fans a universe...they're fans of the sports. Don't use words for big things to call our fan base just to make it seem like everyone likes us...our ratings tell the truth...Just cause we finally got a Face book pages doesn't mean we can whore our shitty product out like it's gold..."
-They both look at each other, then gaze into the camera.-
"...Good point. The FANS want to know, Jerry Nate, how does it feel to finally be a title holder, and not just any title like the television title, but the honest to god King, of the death match?"
"Feels good, Bro....can I leave now?"
"No, daddy isn't done. Jerry, Wolverinas, someone you know well, and someone your mentor knows VERY well, has opened her mouth again and is looking to get into some trouble."
"...I thought she died from massive colon clogging?"
"No, she's very much alive. And she was the winner of the golden ticket at our last PPV and it's a very prestigeous award here in ghw, some even say that since she won it she's the best and then-.."
"And then the little bible thumper slayed the Jabberwocky and went on to save Narnia! What does the ticket get her? A golden brush? First place in line for the new My Little Pony dolls? A golden shower?! What does she get with this ticket!?"
-Charlie corrected himself and huffed into the microphone.-
"She gets a title shot of her choosing at Blood Runs Cold. Be it against Jack Tracks, or Mighty Man Millson...or even you, Mr. Satisfying. She even made that fact very clear in her last t.v spot....How do you feel about dem' apples?"
"How do I feel? Let me think about it for a second...."
-Jerry's palm wrapped around his chin and stroked his mighty mandible for a second before it raised up and made a dramatic claw in the air.-
"Myyyy mind is telling me noooo! But my body! My body is telling me YEEEEEAAAAAAH!"
-Jerry Nate grabbed the microphone from the Nate Hunter and swiveled on unsure legs in front of the camera. His smile was thick with naughty intentions as his sun glasses slipped down his nose, his eyes peeking over the top of the frame.-
"You wanna make a name for yourself, Dandy Pants? Then you'd better be ready to chip a nail. I dare you, I double dog dare you to challenge me! Millson isn't even a threat to the Shotgun Kid! You wanna cash in that ticket and make it mean something, then prance those long gams on over to the ring, get on your extra padded knees and raise your kung fu action hands into the air, exclaiming high up into the heavens that you wish for nothing more than the Jerry Nate treatment, Baby Girl. Ask, and you shall receive a match that outclasses the rest of the card in every way you can imagine. The pain, the glory, the ups and downs and ins and outs will all come crashing into your face so hard and heavy, I'll have your panties soaking every time you even think you hear a bell ring. Mr. Fuckin' Satisfying delivers! And I'm just talking about pro wrestling, we haven't even reached the bump and grind or the pillow talk yet...."
-He spun around, grabbing his belt and starting to pull, kicking off his special effects-
"When these hands are done putting you in your place your mind, and it's perfectly natural, will wonder what these hands can do when they're on your side. You will lay awake at night after the confrontation, all cuddled up in your bed, and that's when the cold sweats will start. You'll be cursing the creator for making that bed so damn cold, but you yourself are too damn proud to pick up the phone and make the call. But pride is something you can bite through...but not through my manhood. Once you've tasted defeat, I'll give you honey...but I get to lick it off you first..."
-Jerry's pants began to glow as Charlie looked on in complete shock and awe.-
"You can bring that little shit Dustin, or Josh or whatever that basket case is calling himself these days...but just like that "back massager" you got hiding in your night stand, he can't beat educated hands. I'm not going to beat around your unkept bush any longer. I'll take you on, and then I'll take you backstage to shower off and make sure you don't walk right for a week."
-He let his jeans fall to the ground as Charlie shrieked out in complete horror as a blinding light came out.-
"The Shotgun Kid will ride again and again! And if you think you've got what it takes to even try and outdo my stamina, then go right on and give it your all! Your head is the one that's going to hit the mat and the pillow first! How was that CHARLIE! WAS THAT A GOOD ENOUGH INTERVIEW FOR YOU!?"
-Charlie Coors whimpered like a little girl and hunched over, trying to get away from the white hot light coming from Jerry Nate's not so private region.-
"AAAAARGH! I'll get you next time, Jerry Nate! You and your little dog too!"
-The Shotgun Kid pulled back the flood coming from his neither and slapped his belt back over to hide his personal ark of the covenant.-
"Wolverina...You, me...Hardcore Heaven. Are you game?"
-He smirked at the lens and lifted the bottle of Johnny Walker Blue to his lips as the scene faded out.-
EOT- I still don't know how to end a promo.
Coors-"Shuuuu! Be very very, very quiet. I'm hunting Nate."
-The cameraman lifts his equipment up, giving us a shot of an expensive looking bottle of Johnny Walker Blue sitting on the ground, a red X painted on the concrete below it. A few seconds pass before a head peers over some boxes on the other side. Jerry Nate gazed upon the beautiful sight before he tip toed over to the bottle, his hands raised while the KOTDM dangled from his waist. He creeped up on the bottle and slowly lowered his body and grabbed the neck.-
"NOW!"
-Jerry perked up like a deer caught in the headlights as Charlie pulled on a rope, causing a net to drop from the ceiling. Jerry grabbed his hips and quickly pulled his best Billy Ray Cyrus impersonation and boot scooted his ass out away from the trap before going into a dead sprint.-
Jerry Nate-"As fast as fast can be, you'll never interview me, Coors!"
Hugo the Cameraman-"Errrm, he getting away Boss..."
"Time for my final solution!"
-Coors pulled a rifle out and leveraged it over the production boxes, taking his time to aim before the shot rang out down the hall. The shirt over Jerry's back rippled before he slowed and spun around , landing lopsided over a catering table and crashing through it.-
"I think ya' killed him, Boss..."
-Coors motioned for Hugo to follow as he cocked the rifle, keeping it pointed straight at Jerry's ass. The camera showed a dart sticking from The Satisfying One's shoulder and his mouth drooling foam.-
"...fuck...fuck yo' couch, nigga..."
-Charlie Coors dropped the rifle and bent over, struggling to bring Jerry Nate up to his feet. The craft cheese and crackers sticking to his body were quickly wiped away before the microphone was brought up to Coor's mouth.-
"Jerry Nate! GHW's newest King of the deathmatch champion! What a coincidence to find you backstage, knowing your busy drinking schedule, why not give us an interview?"
"North Korea uses more subtle methods than you, Charlie...What do you want from me?"
"The GHW universe wants to know-"
"Fans..."
"Excuse me?"
"They're fans. Not a universe. You don't see the NFL calling their fans a universe...they're fans of the sports. Don't use words for big things to call our fan base just to make it seem like everyone likes us...our ratings tell the truth...Just cause we finally got a Face book pages doesn't mean we can whore our shitty product out like it's gold..."
-They both look at each other, then gaze into the camera.-
"...Good point. The FANS want to know, Jerry Nate, how does it feel to finally be a title holder, and not just any title like the television title, but the honest to god King, of the death match?"
"Feels good, Bro....can I leave now?"
"No, daddy isn't done. Jerry, Wolverinas, someone you know well, and someone your mentor knows VERY well, has opened her mouth again and is looking to get into some trouble."
"...I thought she died from massive colon clogging?"
"No, she's very much alive. And she was the winner of the golden ticket at our last PPV and it's a very prestigeous award here in ghw, some even say that since she won it she's the best and then-.."
"And then the little bible thumper slayed the Jabberwocky and went on to save Narnia! What does the ticket get her? A golden brush? First place in line for the new My Little Pony dolls? A golden shower?! What does she get with this ticket!?"
-Charlie corrected himself and huffed into the microphone.-
"She gets a title shot of her choosing at Blood Runs Cold. Be it against Jack Tracks, or Mighty Man Millson...or even you, Mr. Satisfying. She even made that fact very clear in her last t.v spot....How do you feel about dem' apples?"
"How do I feel? Let me think about it for a second...."
-Jerry's palm wrapped around his chin and stroked his mighty mandible for a second before it raised up and made a dramatic claw in the air.-
"Myyyy mind is telling me noooo! But my body! My body is telling me YEEEEEAAAAAAH!"
-Jerry Nate grabbed the microphone from the Nate Hunter and swiveled on unsure legs in front of the camera. His smile was thick with naughty intentions as his sun glasses slipped down his nose, his eyes peeking over the top of the frame.-
"You wanna make a name for yourself, Dandy Pants? Then you'd better be ready to chip a nail. I dare you, I double dog dare you to challenge me! Millson isn't even a threat to the Shotgun Kid! You wanna cash in that ticket and make it mean something, then prance those long gams on over to the ring, get on your extra padded knees and raise your kung fu action hands into the air, exclaiming high up into the heavens that you wish for nothing more than the Jerry Nate treatment, Baby Girl. Ask, and you shall receive a match that outclasses the rest of the card in every way you can imagine. The pain, the glory, the ups and downs and ins and outs will all come crashing into your face so hard and heavy, I'll have your panties soaking every time you even think you hear a bell ring. Mr. Fuckin' Satisfying delivers! And I'm just talking about pro wrestling, we haven't even reached the bump and grind or the pillow talk yet...."
-He spun around, grabbing his belt and starting to pull, kicking off his special effects-
"When these hands are done putting you in your place your mind, and it's perfectly natural, will wonder what these hands can do when they're on your side. You will lay awake at night after the confrontation, all cuddled up in your bed, and that's when the cold sweats will start. You'll be cursing the creator for making that bed so damn cold, but you yourself are too damn proud to pick up the phone and make the call. But pride is something you can bite through...but not through my manhood. Once you've tasted defeat, I'll give you honey...but I get to lick it off you first..."
-Jerry's pants began to glow as Charlie looked on in complete shock and awe.-
"You can bring that little shit Dustin, or Josh or whatever that basket case is calling himself these days...but just like that "back massager" you got hiding in your night stand, he can't beat educated hands. I'm not going to beat around your unkept bush any longer. I'll take you on, and then I'll take you backstage to shower off and make sure you don't walk right for a week."
-He let his jeans fall to the ground as Charlie shrieked out in complete horror as a blinding light came out.-
"The Shotgun Kid will ride again and again! And if you think you've got what it takes to even try and outdo my stamina, then go right on and give it your all! Your head is the one that's going to hit the mat and the pillow first! How was that CHARLIE! WAS THAT A GOOD ENOUGH INTERVIEW FOR YOU!?"
-Charlie Coors whimpered like a little girl and hunched over, trying to get away from the white hot light coming from Jerry Nate's not so private region.-
"AAAAARGH! I'll get you next time, Jerry Nate! You and your little dog too!"
-The Shotgun Kid pulled back the flood coming from his neither and slapped his belt back over to hide his personal ark of the covenant.-
"Wolverina...You, me...Hardcore Heaven. Are you game?"
-He smirked at the lens and lifted the bottle of Johnny Walker Blue to his lips as the scene faded out.-
EOT- I still don't know how to end a promo.
