GHW Tag Title Match

[Cletus & Big Jim]

Our opening match is for the GHW World Tag Team Championship

The crowd seems a bit restless, knowing that they’ll have to choose the lesser of two evils in this bout.

Introducing first, the challengers, at a combined weight of 526 lbs, Cletus the Lumberjack and Big Jim, The Logging Crew

Leadbelly’s Where Did You Sleep Last Night? hits over the building sound system and there are less boos than usual on this night, though very few cheers all the same. The challengers come through the curtain, Cletus sporting a shit-eating grin and singing along with Mr. Leadbetter while Big Jim strokes his moose skins suggestively. After a moment of grand-standing, they begin their walk to the ring.

Two matches and already The Logging Crew get a shot at the champions, Milson & Simpson. Do you think they’re ready Al?

Don’t they look ready Fuzzie?

I can’t argue that partner.

Damn right you can’t.

But I wonder if these two guys are in top shape. They went to battle against the Legion last week, and you can’t tell me that those wounds are fully healed.

That could be, and add to that Simpson having had some time off from the competition on TNT, and maybe the champions have an edge.

The Logging Crew are now in the ring and someone hands Cletus a microphone

Jimmy, I heard that when folks saw my nose get broken last week they said, “That ain’t gonna do much for his looks, he always was an ugly son of a whore.”

Some laughter from the crowd and a lot of cheering in agreement with that statement

You know I can’t blame them for saying that. Hell, my own mother once sat me down and said, “Cletus, you were the load I shoulda swallowed!”

A much bigger pop in accord with that

Milson & Simpson, by the end of tonight, you’re gonna wish my Daddy had liked getting’ his knob polished and I had never been born!

He hands the microphone to Big Jim

Milson and Simpson get yer arses out here, sooner we get this over with, sooner we can find out how much them belts are worth… and we’re itching to have a time tonight!

TBCB Milson & Simpson

[Millson and Simpson]

As the Logging Crew await the arrival of the GHW Tag Team champions, the camera cuts behind the curtain, where the GHW champion stands aloof, his head held high, Johnny Simpson at his side as usual. On the other side of Millson is intrepid interviewer Charlie Coors, who holds a microphone to his lips, before asking a pertinent question.

Mighty Man Millson, you've heard the words from the Logging Crew's mouths. Are you and Johnny Simpson confident of retaining your tag team titles tonight?

Millson turns his head to face Coors and smiles arrogantly, before answering the question.

Confident? Really? I've been here 2 and a half years and I've gone from nothing, no respect backstage, no fans in the audience, no hopes of success in GHW to being the crown jewel of the entire company. Not only have I revolutionised the Television title with 3 reigns of 287 days combined, I'm one half of the longest reigning tag team champions in GHW history and I'm the current GHW champion. I'm always confident, which is why I've single handedly monopolised GHW. So as for tonight, hell, the Logging Crew have been impressive recently, but me and Johnny here have been impressive our entire careers. We're coming out of this match with our titles still around our waist and there's nothing two jumped-up lumberjacks can do about it.

Millson turns to leave the interview area, but before he can go, Charlie asks another question.

But you lost the TV title last week to Jack Tracks, so how can you still claim to be the best?

Millson stops in his tracks and turns around, grabbing the microphone and answering the question.

I felt sorry for Tracks. That's why I tapped out last week, not because he made me but because I don't need the TV title anymore. I'm the star of this company, I'm the reason this company breathes success and I don't need my focus diverted by holding three titles at once, something, might I add, that's never been done before. Now if you don't mind, I'm going to go out and defend the Tag Team titles, because I'm the greatest Fighty fighty person GHW has ever seen.

Millson and Simpson walk away from the interview area and the camera follows them as they approach the curtain.



The crowd begin to boo as the duo burst through the curtain and walk down the ramp, holding up their titles for all to see. As they reach the squared circle, Simpson slides underneath the bottom rope, while the GHW champion hops onto the ring apron. Quickly springboadring over the top rope, Millson hoists himself onto the second turnbuckle and slowly raises his two titles to an almighty jeer before stepping down and handing his titles to the ringside attendant. Both teams confer before before Millson and Cletus step out of the ring, leaving Johnny Simpson and Big Jim to start the contest.

TBC- Logging Crew (Good luck)

[Cletus & Big Jim]

Jim and the behemoth known as “The Punisher” stare one another down amidst an electric atmosphere. The Boston faithful are hoping for a bit of mutually assured destruction on this night, sufficient to drive both teams from their collective memory. The master of the pulp hook holds his arms at his sides, wiggling his fingers in an almost serpentine fashion, while the Georgia giant flexes his shoulders and makes a show of his height and weight advantage.

Enough gawking! Get to it!

Patience, they’re just sizing each other up. You know, this is Jim’s way; he likes all this animal display stuff, the presentation before you butt heads with your opponent.

The action starts slowly, a little pushing a shoving and finally a collar and elbow. Simpson manages to get a headlock, which he grinds in mercilessly. Big Jim tries an atomic drop but can budge the close to three hundred pounds of tag champion. Simpson seems mildly amused by this, and shakes his head in disapproval of the amateur taxidermist’s proposed offensive offering. Instead, he takes Jim to the ropes and runs his head from turnbuckle to turnbuckle, displaying the finer points of friction. He releases his quarry and cocks his right hand for a knockout blow. Jim manages to duck a roundhouse that would have stopped a Buick, and scoops the big man’s legs to put him on his back.

It’s a good job Jim dodged that one or he’d be sucking his baloney through a straw for a while.

You can say that again.

It’s a good job Jim dodged…

Oh Shut up Al!

By now, the Black Rapids bruiser has delivered a series of elbow drops to the inside of his foe’s left leg and given a leg drop in between those legs for good measure. Stepping around the prone farm boy, Jim rakes his eyes with a well-placed boot. With that, he tags Cletus and the loggers perform a double hamstring pull. Simpson drags himself to the corner, but receives a cannonball senton for his trouble.

Basic strategy here, take the pins out from under the big man and double team him.

Usually I would agree Fuzzie, but they can do what they want to Simpson and they’ll still have a fresh Milson in the corner. As dangerous at the Punisher is, there’s a reason why the Mighty One has all that gold.

Maybe the Logging Crew is looking to keep the world champion on the apron, and out of this match.

There’s a thought…

Dragging the stunned titleholder away from the corner, Cletus aims to apply his Argentine leglock. Sadly for him, Johnny isn’t nearly staggered enough to allow himself to fall prey to the hold that got Cletus and his partner to the dance in the first place. A few kicks with his free leg manages to free Simpson from the submissive prospect and sends the lumberjack stumbling, with a thought to review the situation. The plantation sensation is slow to his feet, careful not to put too much weight on his injured leg. His partner extends his hand for a tag, but Milson’s face slackens as he shouts a warning. In response, Johnny just averts a chop block from Cletus and the lumberman catches a face full of turnbuckle.

I don’t know why, but Cletus is edgy tonight. He’s rushing things and making mistakes. He has got to calm down.

Championship jitters Al…

The Punisher seems slightly affronted by the blindside attack that may well have cost him the match. He stands Cletus up in the corner and, bracing himself against the taut rope cables, drives his knee into the panting stomach of the Beaubears Island native. Then, struck by an epiphany, Simpson takes hold of his victims chin, props up his head, and with a smirk to Big Jim, smashes his elbow into Cletus’ face. The assembled masses cringe collectively, as Cletus' nose crunches beneath Johnny’s arm and the birler lets out an agonised whoop that echoes through the rafters. Pleased at this, Simpson decides to throw a half dozen more elbows into the ugly face of his foe, as insurance.

That’s why Milson and Simpson are the champions, because they take you apart a piece at a time. They find a weakness and exploit it for all its worth.

Simpson looks to his corner, and receives an approving nod, before returning to the matter at hand. He raises the challenger’s head once more, but gets a stream of blood and mucus spewed from the mouth of his intended target. He blunders backward as Cletus rushes to make the tag. Big Jim wastes no time entering the ring and hitting a high knee on the snot-soaked champion. Then, in a daring move, he mounts the ropes to prepare for a double axe handle.

This is out of Big Jim’s wheelhouse, desperation tactics here…

True to the spoken words of the commentator, Jim falls directly into the path of a powerful lariat that flips him 180 degrees in the air; he lands with a thud accompanied by pop-induced cheering. Johnny rakes the challenger’s eyes with his boot, proving turnabout is fair play. Then he drapes the prone body over the second rope and executes his patented leapfrog body guillotine, before tagging Milson.

Well, if the plan was to keep the champ out of it, I guess it’s time to reassess things…

The dapper Englishman swaggers into the ring and executes a photographic rolling thunder on the motionless logger. Following up with an ankle lock brings Big Jim back to reality as he struggles and strains to free himself, or get to the ropes. At length, Jim reaches back and grabs the Mighty One’s leg, and, calling on his reserve energy by rolling through, manages to apply an STF in reply.

Nice counter there, Jim doesn’t take a backseat to anyone in submissions, but that reversal shows just how adaptable the man is.

Johnny Simpson has seen enough and drops his entire 284 pounds across Big Jim’s back, breaking the hold. Cletus isn’t going to wait for an engraved invitation either and all four men soon turn the match into a complete donnybrook.

Nothing much has caught for the Logging Crew thus far, maybe a little scuffle will break something loose, or maybe just break something…

Arms and legs flying everywhere, this is definitely the lumberjacks’ game.

Sure, you get in close like that, you can cheat like it’s nobody’s business.

Conveniently, the two big men tumble through the ropes to the floor, leaving the legal men to continue their struggle. Milson pushes back from his burly aggressor and dips to deliver a drop toe hold that reintroduces Jim’s face to the canvas. The world champion mounts the ropes and waits patiently as his prey turns to face a cross body. The official gets into position, but the perverse pulp peeler has enough in the tank to kick out at two.

Undaunted, Milson returns to his perch and awaits the opportunity to land a Millsile dropkick. His execution is flawless, but the keen eye and killer instinct that has robbed life from many a moose in the harsh wilds of New Brunswick is just a hair quicker on this occasion. Jim catches the champion’s legs and Triple M lands on the back of his head. A struggle ensues as the larger man attempts a Boston Crab, but is fought by a nice bridge from wily adversary…

TBCB Milson & Simpson (Best Regards)

[Millson and Simpson]

The Mighty Man tries to ward off the cruel intentions of the lumberjack by bridging his body to avoid the Boston Crab, but with a well placed boot to the sternum of the GHW champion, Millson relinquishes his bridge for a split second. Big Jim takes advantage of the momentary lapse in defensive co-ordination and uses his sheer power to roll Millson onto his front, before sitting on his haunches and pulling back on the legs of the Whitby Wonder. Millson emits a scream of pain as the 245 pound lumberjack bends his spine introvertly, aiming to force the champion into submission. However, showing the will and desire that earned Millson his spot as king of the GHW jungle, Triple M claws his way to the bottom rope and grabs hold of it with his outstretched finger. Big Jim keeps hold of the Boston Crab upto the referee's count of 3 before finally relinquishing his grip and standing up, whereupon the referee admonishes him for taking a bite out of the count.

A veteran move from Big Jim to utilise the referee's 5 count. The weaker Millson is, the better chance of new tag team champions tonight.

But Jim shouldn't waste time arguing with the referee. If I was him, I'd get straight back on top of the champion.

Jim strides back over to the champion, his futile debate with the official ending as innocuously as it began, before hauling Millson to his feet. But before the challenger can execute whatever plan of action he's got, Triple M throws his fingers into the eye sockets of the Black Rapids native, temporarily blinding the big man. A chorus of boos emanate from the Bostonian crowd, but Millson, sensing a momentum shift, takes the crowd's hatred with a pinch of salt and positions himself behind the lumberjack, wrapping his arms around Jim's waist and leaning backwards. Slowly, but surely, the weight of the big man takes him backwards and Millson lifts him skywards, bringing him back-first to the hard canvas with a dull thud.

Picture perfect German Suplex from the Daddy's Boy. That's what's called using your opponent's body weight against them.

Precluded of course by a heinous rake to the eyes. Or did you not see that from your blinkered view over there in la-la land?

The Mighty Man releases his grip from around the stomach of his opponent, clambering back to his feet and walking arrogantly back to his corner, tagging in The Punisher once again. With a cruel and malicious smirk on his face, Simpson re-enters the squared circle and imperiously stands over the downed lumberjack. Quickly changing gears, big Johnny hits the ring ropes and returns to drop his elbow into the chest of big Jim, the air violently sucked from the lungs of the challenger. Simpson holds himself on top of his opponent and the man in the zebra stripes checks the shoulders of Big Jim, before slapping his hand to the mat twice, Jim raising his shoulder before the three count due to the lacklustre pinfall attempt by Big Johnny.

Unperturbed, Simpson grabs Jim by the scruff of the neck and hauls the Black Rapids native to his fullest verticality, whipping the lumberjack into the ropes. Upon his return, Simpson lifts his size 18 boot into the air and the unchecked momentum of Big Jim leads him face-first into Simpson's boot, whereafter he crashes to the mat. Once again, Simpson places himself on top of the lumberjack to make the cover but once again, Jim shows his intestinal fortitude by raising his shoulder vertically at the count of 2.

A couple of near falls, but the Logging Crew are still in with a chance of becoming GHW 's tag team champions.

Not if Big Jim continues to take this punishment from the GHW champion and his 'protection'.

Changing tack slightly, the Bacon from Macon walks over to the corner and lifts himself onto the second rope. As the crowd anticipate something impressive to come from the air, Cletus strides along the ring apron and starts to yell at the Punisher, who is momentarily distracted by his giant counterpart. Using all of his energy reserves, Big Jim scrambles to his feet and runs at Simpson, throwing his forearm into the cranial lobe of the bodyguard. With his attention diverted by Cletus, the attack blindsides the champion and like the Berlin wall, Johnny falls of the second rope spectacularly, flipping forwards in mid-flight and landing on his back in the centre of the squared circle. All is still for a moment as Simpson lies supinely in the middle of the ring, with Jim draped over the bottom rope in exhaustion and pain, before the lumberjack starts to stir. Painstakingly, Jim crawls towards his corner, just as the giant Simpson begins to clamber to his knees. Instinctively, Jim leaps to his corner and throws out his hand, knowing full well that Cletus will have his hand out, and assuming correctly, the tag is made.

And here comes Cletus! He's been pacing around like a kid waiting for a candy shop to open. Now he gets another shot at big Johnny Simpson.

Things don't look too good for the champions now. Not with an angry giant on the loose.

Like a bull in a china shop, Cletus begins to wreck the place, rushing into the ring and knocking down Johnny Simpson with a Clothesline, following up with two more as the Punisher recoils back his feet. Having seen the momentum shift to the challenger's, Millson steps foot in the squared circle, but as quickly as he enters the ring, he leaves it, with Cletus throwing his right paw into the nose of the GHW champion, sending Millson sprawling to the outside. Cletus fails to even take in the cheers of approval from the partisan crowd, instead setting his sights once more on the legal man inside the ring. As a dazed and groggy Simpson stands erect but staggering, turning to face the Beaubears Island native, Cletus locks his hands around the waist of the Punisher and lifts him into the air, the full 285lbs of big Johnny lifted into the air with determinate ease and slammed into the mat. Cletus roars as he floors the Bacon from Macon with a brutal Spinebuster and the crowd respond appreciatively, with the tide now firmly turned in favour of the Logging Crew.

TBC