|
Post by Cletus & Big Jim on Dec 17, 2012 22:06:45 GMT -5
Blood Runs Cold is already looking like one for the books, and we’ve still got plenty more in store tonight. If you thought the First Blood Match and the titanic struggle for the Television Championship were something else, you ain't seen nothin' yet!
Positively Fuzzie, and our next match is on its way to the ring, let’s check in with Charlie Coors.
Our next contest, scheduled for one fall, is a Special Attraction, the Handicap Match. Introducing first, at a combined weight of 526 lbs, the team of Cletus the Lumberjack and Big Jim, The Logging Crew!
The GHW Arena faithful begin to boo even before Huddie Leadbetter begins asking his lass the location of her previous night’s slumber.
As it is, the Beast of Bonnie Beaubears Isle and the Perversely Proficient Pulp Peeler walk into sight amidst lots of noise and even more profanity. Their mothers are called everything but women, their sisters are said to prostitute themselves for negligible sums of money, the loggers are compared unfavourably with all manner of bodily waste and are purported to have engaged in all sorts of demeaning sexual actions, so base that their aforementioned sisters would refuse it vehemently, regardless of the amount of cash offered. The two men don’t even look sideways, but simply walk toward the ring, deeply focused on the match at hand.
AJ Scally pulled off a huge upset over an injured Wolverina inside the steel cage a few weeks ago. With that win, he’s got himself a GHW title match, but I gotta believe that these two men are out to squash those championship dreams.
Maybe so Al, but from what I’ve seen, Cletus & Big Jim have, if you’ll excuse the expression, an axe to grind with Millson and the higher-ups, every bit as much as Scally does. No matter who walks out of this one with the W, the real winners have got to be Millson, Simpson & GM Jones.
The Logging Crew enter the ring and corner Charlie Coors. Cletus takes the microphone.
We tried to warn him Charlie, but he wouldn’t listen. He’s a brave man, I don’t doubt it, but he doesn’t see that a live dog is better than a dead lion.
He would have done better to run like last time, snuggle up with a warm, soft, bandicoot; we got no beef with him.
Do you think we like to hurt people Charlie? Do you think we’ll be happy when Scally’s laying in a hospital bed with tubes coming out him? Do you think we’ll enjoy seeing his pretty little girlfriend cry her eyes out, praying to God he’ll wake up, hoping that what happened to him hasn’t warped his soul and changed him beyond what her love can repair? Do you think that’s what we want?!
Well, don’t we Cletus?
Well shit, now that you mention it Jim, I suppose that’s exactly what we want! Bring him out here Charlie!
TBCB Scally
|
|
|
Post by Cletus & Big Jim on Dec 25, 2012 15:33:24 GMT -5
* I take it I've given enough time, so I'll continue
Scally makes his way to the ring with appropriate fanfare, it’s clear where the crowd’s favours are like to be bestowed. At the same time, the masses recognize the long odds that bar the Australian’s way to victory.
Their opponent, from Newcastle Australia, weighing in at 200 pounds, he is the Flying Phenomenon, and New People’s Champion, AJ SCALLY!!!!!
He looks ready fellas. Despite all that this match threatens, AJ Scally looks pretty confident and reassured, at the outset.
Scally has got nothing to gain and everything to lose here. This match has zero applicability to his GHW Title shot. He needed to focus on the big picture tonight, and maybe taken a pass.
I’m going to disagree, Al. The odds are long in this one, but if he can overcome them, or at least take these two lumberjacks to the limit, it’s certainly a feather in his cap going into that title match down the road.
The bell rings and Cletus and Big Jim swap strategy in their corner, while Scally stands with only the cheers of the GHW faithful to back him up. At length, Jim steps through the ropes and allows his partner to start things off. Cletus and Scally meet in the centre of the ring and it’s clear the burly woodsman is trying to get inside his opponent’s head with harsh words and rustic similes. The Aussie seems unmoved and, having heard enough, jumps to the offensive with a hard slap across the face followed up by a knee lift that leaves the lumberman dazed. Sensing the opportunity, a kick to the gut sets the man from Beaubears Island up for a bulldog. However, as Scally drives his momentum forward, Cletus, with a mighty shove, sends the smaller man sailing into the ropes, where he hangs, twisted and stunned.
A quick start by AJ is ground to a halt. He got a bit cocky there, and tried too much too soon.
Positively, there’s too much of a weight differential for Scally to be trying moves like that this early on. He’s got to blitz with strikes, keep the speed up and wear these big men out.
Not much chance of that now…
Slightly miffed at his carelessness, the brawny brawling birler snatches up his smaller foe and drops him across his knee in a stomach-splitting gutbuster. The pine island powerhouse then sits on his opponent’s back, then grabs hold of Scally's wrists and crosses the Aussie’s arms under his chin. Cletus then leans back, keeping the pressure on. Scally face turns various shades of red and he emits a series of painful moans as the straight jack hold is prolonged. Still, his intestinal fortitude is such that he will not submit, despite the enquiries of the official and the loud encouragement of his adversary.
In disgust, Cletus breaks the hold and delivers a few boots to the midsection to further soften Scally’s torso for the coming onslaught. He then makes the tag to Big Jim. The Logging Crew make use of the disqualification count, stalking their quarry and then serving up their patented number, the double double axe handles.
This is a trademark move by the Crew. This ground and pound strategy has worked before, what about tonight?
It certainly will Fuzz, both of these guys weigh almost twice as much as AJ, and we’ve seen before that they aren’t going to pull any punches.
The odds makers didn’t give Scally much of a chance, and it doesn’t sound like you do either.
Anything is possible, and it’s only early, but the Flying Phenomenon has to get airborn. Another few minutes of this and his wings are gonna be clipped.
As Cletus leaves, the Black Rapids Bully stands Scally up by pulling his hair. Jim then moves behind him and bends him forward. There is the slightest of pauses as Jim remembers a cow moose from his past, whose hind quarters somewhat resemble those of the Flying Phenomenon. Back in the moment, Jim takes one of his opponent's arms and pulls it back between the hapless victim’s legs. Scally’s other arm is then hooked, signalling the immanent pumphandle slam. The Sou’West Savage lifts his foe up over his shoulder, falling forward to slam Scally against the mat.
Oooo, and the worst thing about that move is that Big Jim only just got in the ring. That slam is just the entrée in a 5-course meal of pain.
Big Jim likes to dish it out and is usually deaf to pleas of mercy. Scally has to change his strategy and break this momentum soon.
Jim now looks Scally in the eye, seconds before raking it. He then claws at the eye, seemingly trying to rip it out. Cletus howls in the corner, asking for the eye of their opponent, while Big Jim assures that it is, in fact, about to e ripped from its place on the Australian’s face. The man in stripes can’t remember whether or not the removal of an eye constitutes grounds for disqualification, but decides to err on the side of safety and begin counting.
Tough call by the ref here, it’s a grey area, and, no matter what he does, somebody’s going to be pissed.
If looks could kill, the baleful glare of the punishing pulp hooker would render the referee stiff and stark. Jim relinquishes the hold, but decodes to drop a headbutt into Scally’s exposed groin for good measure. He then picks up the injured Australian and, hoisting him high over his head, drops him on the top rope, neck first. As Scally chokes and sputters, Jim makes the tag to his partner. Opting against another double serving of axe handles, Cletus clamps on a reverse chinlock. Grinding is harm across the smaller man’s face, he begins making loud comments about Newcastle, speaking of the draft at the Black Horse Tavern, the burning of the Opera House on Pleasant Street and the recent closure of Nite Owl Convenience. Upset by the logger’s geographical ineptitude, Scally begins to, well…rally, and fight to get his feet under him.
The crowd is coming to Scally’s aid! Listen to this ovation for the New People’s Champion!
Yeah, but all these fans can’t get in there and help him, but Big Jim sure can.
No argument there, but I gotta say that when you’re in there against a popular guy it can be frustrating as Hell to tune out the crowd.
Despite the downward pressure applied by the Pine Forest Punisher, the roar of the fans urges Scally to his feet and ably proves why he is known as the New People’s Champion. Sensing the danger, and looking to regain some ground, Cletus rotates his grip into a standing side headlock. In spite of this, the South Pacific Sensation will not be denied, and, with the crowd providing the rhythm, he musically squirms, sways and shimmies his way loose of the lumberjack’s grip; an escape he made famous as the Scally-Wag.
Bit of a slippery move there…
Hey, it worked didn’t it?
As Cletus turns to attempt to recover control, he is met with a desperate spear than does little more than knock him off his feet, but seems to signal a turn in the tide. The man from down under scrambles to his feet and catches a charging Jim with a hip toss, turns and has a stiff elbow ready for Cletus before a nice savate kick to Jim, which sends the Logging Crew outside in order that they might review their change of fortune. They’re not out of the woods yet though, as Scally executes a front flip over the ropes to the outside, leaving all four men ion a heap on the concrete and the crowd eager for more action.
The crowd is hot now; the young man from Newcastle, Australia sure knows how to light their fire with moves just like that.
He taking big risks here, let’s see if they can pay big dividends. A flying attack like that hurts you every bit as much as it hurts your opposition, in Scally’s case, maybe more so. You have to remember the beatings the Logging Crew took over the past weeks and still came out on top. In comparison, a couple hundred pounds of flying Scally isn’t going to slow them up that long.
Cletus stumbles back inside, with Scally in hot pursuit. He climbs the woodsman as though he was a majestic Archidendron muellerianum, and plants a sleeper on him. The Beaubears Island brawler fights to retain consciousness, but the weight of his opponent on his back, and the general chaos of the last few moments, seem to have sapped all of his resistance. He slowly begins to wilt, as the Newcastle native bears down, hoping to end the match up before Big Jim can regain his bearings and intercede on his partner’s behalf.
TBCB Scally(?)
|
|
|
Post by Cletus & Big Jim on Jan 3, 2013 19:59:10 GMT -5
Cletus drops to a knee and the crowd boisterously signals its approval. Scally continues to bear down on the sleeper hold, but somehow the man from Beaubears Island manages to get his legs back under him. The Australian is perched on the lumberman’s back once again, but suddenly Cletus drops like a mighty pine and crashes toward the canvas, pinning Scally between the mat and the mackinaw. The referee counts the slapdash pinning combination that results, but Cletus, still halfway to dream land, kicks himself out of a potential victory.
Cletus is still out to lunch.
Indeed, the sleeper is the kind of move that takes it out of you. It’ll take him a few minutes to clear the cobwebs. It’s a good job he had the presence of mind to fall back and break the hold. Scally is resourceful and he came within minutes of a huge upset.
As both men get to their feet, Scally strikes back with a series of knife-edge chops that send the Butcher of Beaubears to the buckle. An Irish whip sees him sail, sternum first, into the opposite corner. The Awesome Aussie rushes to capitalize, but an ill-advised German suplex attempt is met with a winded mule kick. As AJ staggers back, a rejuvenated Big Jim stands ready to deliver a series of stiff shots to the kidneys, which leave a pained expression on the Newcastle native’s face and a smile on his urologist’s face. The Sou’West Savage follows up by lifting Scally onto his shoulders and then falling backwards, driving his opponent back-first into the mat.
Oooo! He’ll be feeling those fists for days!
The Flying Phenomenon had to avoid this type of thing.
The referee has to intervene, get Jim outta there!
I’ve said it before, who’s gonna tell Jim to do anything he doesn’t want to, and expect him to do it?
A wobbly legged Scally is easy prey for a Clear-Cut Clothesline from Cletus. The tag to Jim is made and Cletus lifts Scally up while holding him from both legs, and, calling “TIMBER!” falls backwards, throwing the Australian face-first into Big Jim, who hooks both hands around Scally's head and brings both knees up into a double knee facebreaker. Jim makes the pin, with Cletus standing over the official.
Your winners of the match, Cletus the Lumberjack and Big Jim, The Logging Crew!
A disappointing showing by Scally, his fans have got to be upset. They were hoping for an upset, and some momentum going into his GHW Title shot.
Just too big and too strong…
He didn’t fight smart, and the Logging Crew did. They played to their strengths, and proved why they are the most devastating tag team to come to GHW in a long time
As the Logging Crew are once again showered in boos, Cletus grabs the microphone.
The trouble with selling your soul is that you sometimes have to do the Devil’s work. Scally, you’re a marked man, and it’s been brought to our attention that it’s good for us, if things go bad for you!
With that, The Crew begins to light into the prone AJ. After a round of boots, Jim slaps on a heinous testicular claw, seemingly determined to neuter the New People’s Champion with his bare hands. Meanwhile, Cletus keeps up the stiff kicks, planting his size sixteens into the side of Scally’s head and stomping on his arms and hands. At the height of the mauling, something peculiar occurs, Heart of Oak hits over the loudspeakers…
The Logging Crew stops immediately. They look cautiously at one another. Gradually, Cletus begins shaking his head ‘no’. The objection becomes more frantic, and for the first time Big Jim looks like the more stable member of the pine harvesting pairing. As the sea shanty fades, the fans cheer its unknown origin, which has saved Scally and put the Logging Crew to flight.
|
|