Glory and Gossip: Conspiracy Theory.

["Vicious" Vince Vegas]

Triumph returns from break, just after GM Dow Jones has announced the competitors for The Tower of London match at Dawn of Destruction.There sits "Vicious" Vince Vegas sitting in a living room style chair, with two identical chairs sitting empty across from him on a cheaply made set that looks like a discarded showroom living room at IKEA. Elevator music plays as the title fills the screen.

Glory and Gossip
With "Vicious" Vince Vegas

As the elevator music fades, and the title screen fades, the camera zooms in on "Vicious" Vince Vegas. He is wearing a neck brace, and 12 stitches in his forehead as a result of last week's Bar Room Brawl at Blood Runs Cold. The smug, self-assured smile that Vegas usually wears has been replaced with a paranoid scowl, which reflects his true inner self more accurately than any smile could. As Vince begins to speak, his persecution complex becomes evident as he feels there was a conspiracy to keep him from receiving what, he feels, is rightfully his: The King of the Death Match Title.


No introductions this week. We're going to get straight to business. The Boston Screw Job at Blood Runs Cold.

Having trained in the Hart Family Dungeon, under the tutelage of the late Stu Hart and various members of the Hart family, Vince is no stranger to talks of conspiracy in wrestling. Vince, disconnected from the reality in which he obviously did not reach his feet in time to avoid the double count out, believes he suffered the same fate as Bret Hart at the 1997 Survivor Series.

When I asked the brass at GHW management what I needed to do win the KOTDM title, they said "Knock out Jerry Nate for a 10 count". Not an easy task, but when I hit Jerry Nate with the Nevada Drop onto the porcelain urinal, I felt the consciousness leave his body. As the ref counted to 10, I stood up to receive my title, but the ref said that I had waited too long. But I have a different theory. Oh, Yes. I think they expected me to lose. I was supposed to be an easy opponent fed to a paper champion. And when I showed I was ready to fight; ready to brawl; ready to do whatever it took, it scared GHW management.

But everyone knows who the REAL KOTDM champion is.

Vince stands up from his chair, and from off screen a Glory and Gossip crew member hands him a black bag, similar in style to the bag used by Jake Roberts to contain Damien. As Vince slowly opens the top of the bag, that smug smile returns to his face. Vegas dips his hand, deep to the bottom of the bag and acts is if he is really looking around for what lays inside. The Star of the Show stops, and looks at the camera as if to say, "I found it". That damn smile grows even bigger as he pulls his arm out. A perfect replica of the King of the Death Match title.

Vince straps the fake title around his waist.

This is the REAL title. I am the REAL champion. At Dawn of Destruction, there may be 4 other competitors, but the marquee going to be Vince Vegas vs Jerry Nate. The rest are just supporting characters!

TBCB: They Know Who.

[Cletus & Big Jim]

Off stage is heard Big Jim

What the Hell? Supporting? At least we won our match!

An amateurish plucking version of “Where Did You Sleep Last Night?” is heard, courtesy of an off-stage grip, who can sorta play guitar. The Logging Crew arrive on the set in the best dress. Cletus is seen first, his hair parted and slicked to his head with aid of some greasy brown substance. His plaid shirt and shabby tie are covered by a well-worn wool coat, while Big Jim trails behind in a tattered suit, crowned with a dog-eared pork pie hat.

Vince, thank you for having us.

You still smell like piss Vince…

Cletus sniffs the air and slowly nods in agreement. He elbows Jim, and the latter hands Vince a large bottle of Hermit Sherry with a ragged bow attached

Anyway…‘Ere ya go, some fightin’ juice…

Are you saying I can't fight?

All we're saying is that you had a helluva match...

But ya mighta actually won with a little of this in ya!

Vince's face contorts in anger, but he regains his composure

Tough talk from a pair of guys who barely beat all 100 pounds of AJ Scally.

Big Jim bolts to the ready, but Cletus holds him back

Now you hush Vince, we don't want to turn Glory & Gossip into Bloody & Battered. The two of us on the one of you, and lookin' the way ya do...that'd be real handicap match, if you take my meaning. Now we might not agree on much, but I'll say this: you are right that a new day is comin' here in GHW. These old shits can't hang on much longer.

Cletus closes one eye and points his finger to look extra inquisitive

Tell me this Vince, why is it that them Pyro brothers get a tag title shot after beatin’ a team that's never won a match?

Vince shrugs, he's still brooding a little and, since the subject has nothing to do with him, he could care less what these two guys are saying. He smells like piss? He showered for three hours last night, and another three today! Where do these guys get off talking about smells anyway? That stuff in Cletus' hair smells like bacon grease! Vince leaves the introspection just in time to hear Big Jim cry out:

Stinks like parboiled shit, if ya ask me!

Jim produces a bit of animal pelt and begins to squeeze it as one might a stress ball

Damn right Jimmy, just like that old GM Jones to protect his own again.

Feedin’ his boys a couple of partridge on account of they ain’t got it in ‘im to hunt big game…

Jim begins to zone out, visualizing the hunt once more

Well Cletus, consider this, you already had your chance a few weeks ago, and you blew it!

Cletus shuts his eyes tightly and rocks back and forth a little, letting the anger dissipate, before answering

Vince, I know we dropped a close one to Millson & Simpson a couple of weeks back, but even a blind dog humps the right leg once in a while.

And them boys been humpin’ for all their worth lately….

Jim thrusts his pelvis in ominous rhythm

TBCB Vince

["Vicious" Vince Vegas]

With the discomforting smell of whatever it is parting Cletus' hair and Big Jim thrusting his pelvis as if he were parting Wolverina's legs, Vince decides it's time him to part ways with the troublesome timber cruisers.


With those unsettling images that, as much as I try, I won't be able to unsee, I think it's time you two get the hell off my set. Go get ready for your match, go hunting, chop some wood, just make sure you don't stay here. Ask Wolverina about her diet for me will ya?

Cletus nods to Vince and nudges Big Jim, still thrusting his pelvis after his crude bestiality reference. Big Jim snaps out of it.


I'll make sure I tell her for ya Vince. She smells so nice, I got lots of things I'd like to tell her tonight.

Good luck with that.

Well Vince, thank you for that, but as far as we're concerned you've proved tonight that the person of the greatest talk is the person of the least work.

As for luck, it ain't worth the bait in a rat trap; Scally and Wolverina'll need that.


Truer words were never spoken, Jimmy. Well Vince, may the Lord keep you in His hand and never close His fist too tight.

Cletus extends a dirty hand to Vince.

Vince glances down at Cletus' hand. His nails are uncut and have brown residue underneath. His fingers are long and unwashed. His palms have traces of whatever it was he used to part his hair. This is a hand best left unshook.

Vince's face cringes in disgust of the idea. He smiles toward Jim, shakes his head and walks in the other direction, draping his "KOTDM" title over his shoulder. As he leaves the set, The Lumberjacks are infuriated that he would leave Cletus hanging in such a disrespectful manner.


You're gunna wish you shook my hand Vince. We'll see you again.

The Logging Crew turns and departs in the opposite direction to prepare for their match with AJ Scally and Wolverina. No time for Vince tonight.

EOT