Post by thrashmetalfreak on Jul 30, 2008 5:42:05 GMT -5
GHW.com learnt from Metal Dragon and the rest of Stone Orchard, that Damien Kain is indeed, dead. Even though his body vanished somehow from the scene of the "crime", a random GHW reporter met someone who claims to be Kain's father. What followed was a mind bending interview with this man:
GHW interviewer: "So, Mister..."
Kain's Father: "Just call me Kerry King."
"Wait, you can't be Kerry King. Kerry King is the lead guitarist of Slayer"
"Oh yeah, well I can prove it by playing Damien's theme song, Raining Blood!"
"Well, lets see you play it then"
"I'd rather not"
"It doesn't matter what you had for dinner!"
"Because I have an appointment with my doctor."
"Well, okay then. We'll have this interview later, then."
"No."
"What?"
"I'm not going to the doctor's."
"Okay, then play guitar then."
"Hey, wait. This interview isn't about me, its about my cousin, Damien."
"Wasn't he your son?"
"Son, cousin, what's the difference?"
"Theres a huge difference, sir..."
"There you go again. Straying from the motherfucking topic."
"Okay then. Well, tell me about Damien. How was he as a child."
"Well, he was short, and had short nerdy hair, and was stupid, like all kids are."
"Okay... what about his teenage years?"
"Well he whined a lot."
"..."
"What? Cat got your tongue?"
"Well, if he's really your son, you ought to know more about him than that."
"How many times do I have to tell you, I AM NOT HIS FATHER!! He's my god freaking damn cousin!!"
"But you told me he was your son!!"
"Kerry King has no son by the name of Damien!"
"But your not Kerry King!!"
"YES I AM!"
"NO YOU'RE NOT!! YOU ARE JUST A HOMELESS HOBO WHO'S BALD, HAS A BEARD AND HAS TATOOS EVERYWHERE, INCLUDING YOUR DICK! THAT DOES NOT MAKE YOU KERRY FREAKING KING!"
"How do you know I have tattoos on my dick??"
"I didn't know, I just meant that you have tattoos everywhere."
"How do you know I have tattoos everywhere??"
"Well, its pretty obvious!!"
"What!? Is my zip open? Dammit!"
"No its not!!"
"How do you know its not!?"
"Because I looked!"
"You looked at the thing that keeps my dick from going out!?"
"Yeah, I mean NO!!"
"You're a fag!"
"No I'm not!"
"I'll give you to the count of three to get your ass out of here"
"No you dont understand!!"
"ONE!"
"Okay okay I'm going but tell me this about Damien, please!!"
"Why are you obsessed with that dead fellow!? I've heard of fags who like living people, but fags who like dead people!? Thats disgusting, im gonna kill you right now!"
The interviewer then ran away.
EOT, comments appreciated ;D
GHW interviewer: "So, Mister..."
Kain's Father: "Just call me Kerry King."
"Wait, you can't be Kerry King. Kerry King is the lead guitarist of Slayer"
"Oh yeah, well I can prove it by playing Damien's theme song, Raining Blood!"
"Well, lets see you play it then"
"I'd rather not"
"It doesn't matter what you had for dinner!"
"Because I have an appointment with my doctor."
"Well, okay then. We'll have this interview later, then."
"No."
"What?"
"I'm not going to the doctor's."
"Okay, then play guitar then."
"Hey, wait. This interview isn't about me, its about my cousin, Damien."
"Wasn't he your son?"
"Son, cousin, what's the difference?"
"Theres a huge difference, sir..."
"There you go again. Straying from the motherfucking topic."
"Okay then. Well, tell me about Damien. How was he as a child."
"Well, he was short, and had short nerdy hair, and was stupid, like all kids are."
"Okay... what about his teenage years?"
"Well he whined a lot."
"..."
"What? Cat got your tongue?"
"Well, if he's really your son, you ought to know more about him than that."
"How many times do I have to tell you, I AM NOT HIS FATHER!! He's my god freaking damn cousin!!"
"But you told me he was your son!!"
"Kerry King has no son by the name of Damien!"
"But your not Kerry King!!"
"YES I AM!"
"NO YOU'RE NOT!! YOU ARE JUST A HOMELESS HOBO WHO'S BALD, HAS A BEARD AND HAS TATOOS EVERYWHERE, INCLUDING YOUR DICK! THAT DOES NOT MAKE YOU KERRY FREAKING KING!"
"How do you know I have tattoos on my dick??"
"I didn't know, I just meant that you have tattoos everywhere."
"How do you know I have tattoos everywhere??"
"Well, its pretty obvious!!"
"What!? Is my zip open? Dammit!"
"No its not!!"
"How do you know its not!?"
"Because I looked!"
"You looked at the thing that keeps my dick from going out!?"
"Yeah, I mean NO!!"
"You're a fag!"
"No I'm not!"
"I'll give you to the count of three to get your ass out of here"
"No you dont understand!!"
"ONE!"
"Okay okay I'm going but tell me this about Damien, please!!"
"Why are you obsessed with that dead fellow!? I've heard of fags who like living people, but fags who like dead people!? Thats disgusting, im gonna kill you right now!"
The interviewer then ran away.
EOT, comments appreciated ;D
