ETT's and Penny's first Drug Rehab session.

[pennylane]

The scene opens up in a nice sized room with a circle of folding chairs in the center. Near the Entrance way is a table with an industrial size coffee maker,Styrofoam cups and various other essentials for the making of coffee. Next to that is a plate of donuts and several various varieties of pastries.


Sitting in the chairs are about 15 guys and one female. The guys are all similar in appearance. Non are clean shaved and are wearing varying degrees of dirty and dingy clothing. The female is wearing a red full length sleeveless dress. There are bags under her eyes that stare vacantly into space. On her arm are a few track lines that are obviously a couple of days old and she still has the occasional twitch of someone just in the end stages of coming down of of some hard drugs. In the center of this ragtag band of humanity is a guy who is nicely attired in casual slacks a nice white button up shirt and a dress jacket with patches on his elbows. With a notepad and pencil in hand he is obviously the moderator of this meeting and as he looks around at everyone present he begins to speak.

Welcome once again to all of you. It's great to see you here together once again. I have some sad news and some good news today. Lets start with the sad news first shall we. George upperman will not be joining us anymore. Last night he was caught not two blocks from here with a needle and a vial of liquid heroin. In violation of his parole he has been arrested and sent to serve out the remainder of his sentence at the state penitentiary. Let his mistake be a lesson to all of us on the fragility of our condition and let it steel our resolve to overcome these forces that drive us and try to rob of of our lives and our families. Please remember you can call me anytime as well as your buddy and or your parole officers when you sense that you are going to lose control and give in to the addiction that is trying to rule your lives. Now that being said lets welcome our newest member, Donna.

Just then before anyone can greet her the door opens up and ETT along with Pennylane come walking in.

I'm telling you Penny! This is the room....

Excuse me? But may I help you.

Uh...Oh..Sorry. I think my friend here has the wrong room. We are looking for the drug rehabilitation programs group therapy room.

No. He has the right room. You must be both Adam and Eric; am I right?


TBC:ETT

[Eric The Torture]

* Both men step into slowly into the room, looking very uncomfortable. ETT leans over and whispers at Pennylane. *

ETT: I told you this was the right place, dumba-

* Pennylane coughs, interrupting Eric before he makes a complete fool of himself. *

Dr. Dick: Come in, come in. Grab yourselves a cup of coffee and a snack and by all means, take a seat. I'm Doctor Richard Wanker, but you can call me Dick.

* Pennylane snorts and is about to explode laughing, but is quickly cut off by a slap to the shoulder from ETT, who then steps over and begins to pour a cup of coffee. Pennylane steps forward and shakes the man's hand. *

Pennylane: Nice to meat - I mean, meet - you, cock... I mean Doc! Good grip.

* Pennylane, who was hunched over, shaking the doctor's hand, stands back up and wipes it on his shirt. He turns around quickly, stepping into Eric, who is carrying a chocolate covered doughnut on a plate, and bumps him, forcing the doughnut and all the chocolate goodness to smear all over Eric's nice shirt. *

ETT: Why don't you watch where you're going, you clumsy buffoon!
Pennylane: You better watch who you're calling a clumsy buffoon before I feed you my fist!
Doctor Wanker: Gentlemen, please! This is no time for a tossing contest! I want you two to settle down and apologize to each other.

* Eric and Pennylane stare each other down, then apologize to each other through gritted teeth. *

Pennylane: I'm sorry I bumped into you, Eric.
ETT: And I'm sorry I called you a buffoon, Adam.
Doctor Wanker: Ah ah ah! Eric, that's not *exactly* what you called him!
ETT: I'm sorry I called you a clumsy buffoon, Adam.
Doctor Wanker: That's better. Now then... why don't you introduce yourselves and tell us why your here?

* ETT stands up, looking more uncomfortable than he has looked since he walked into the room 2 minutes ago. He looks around at everyone, then introduces himself. *

ETT: My name is Eric The Torture, and I am addicted to pain killers.
Everyone: HI ERIC THE TORTURE!!!

* ETT nearly jumps out of his skin, not really expecting such a reception. He looks to Pennylane, who is shaking his head slowly and clutching at his chest, as well. *

Doctor Wanker: That little introduction will get you a wad of help, Eric. Admitting your problem is the first and most difficult step.

* Eric sits down and Doctor Wanker turns to Pennylane and crosses his hands, setting them on his groin area. *

Doctor Wanker: Now why don't you show me what you've got, hmmm?

* Pennylane, not used to feeling this unnerved, stands up. He hesitates, looking around at everyone almost as if he were intimidated. *

Doctor Wanker: We're waiting... we can't hold out much longer.

* A bead of sweat trickles down Pennylane's face. *

Pennylane: My name's Adam, and I am addicted to pain killers.
Everyone: HI ADAM!

* This time, Pennylane jumps, but is unable to control himself. *

Pennylane: Good Lord, will you please stop doing that?!
Doctor Wanker: Now with those introductions out of the way and the fact that you've admitted you have a problem, I think it's time we get our hands dirty. Let's try and get our hands around the problem and massage it until we get something out, hmmm?

* Pennylane and Eric look at each other in disbelief. Though no words are spoken, they both silently agree with each other that this is going to be a long evening. *

[pennylane]

Not able to help himself, Adam starts laughing and rolling on the floor. Looking up at Eric who is looking perplexed by this sudden reaction just buries his face in embarrassment of Adams behavior.


This is an episode of Punked isn't it. You've set me up Eric right? I mean Dr. Richard Wanker? Getting hands around the problem and massagin it till we get something out. How much obvious sexual inneuendo can one guy show.

I assure you Adam that this is a legitimate help group. We just want to help you Lick you problems with addiction and you must come to grips with that before we can move on.

Adam continues to roll all over the ground laughing. Eric can no longer contain himself and he to starts laughing hillariously along with the rest of the addict group.

Stop this!!! Stop it right now I say. Security!!! Security!!! JACK HANDY GET YOUR BUT IN HERE AND STOP THIS.

An off duty cop,who is obviously a bicycle cop due to his tight biker shorts and shorts, barges in and seeing the chaos immediately grabs Adam and attempts to bear hug him from behind. Seeing this Eric grabs the mag light off of the cops belt and strikes him in the kidneys, immediately dropping Jack to one knee as Adam spins around and stands up in one swift movement to face Eric with the bowed down Jack handy between them.

With the others in group either laughing or scrambling to get out of the way Adam turns to Doc Wanker saying.

I'm outta here. I'm not listening to a gender bender like these two. besides I think we can take care of eachother and be eachothers buddues. atleast i can respect you enough to listen when you speak.

TBC:ETT

[Eric The Torture]

* As Pennylane says this, Jack Handy, still kneeling in between Eric and Penny, suddenly snaps his head forward and head-butts Pennylane in the groin! Pennylane drops like a sack of moldy tangerines, clutching at his injury. *

ETT: What the -?

* Eric's surprise is cut short as Jack Handy quickly jabs his elbow back, also catching ETT where it counts. Both GHW stars are on the ground now, writhing and about to puke. Jack Handy rolls Pennylane over onto his stomach and mounts him, pulling out a pair of hand cuffs. He slaps the hand cuffs on Pennylane, the goes over to do the same to ETT. *

Doc Wanker: Well, that session turned into a real circle jerk.
ETT: I'm gonna puke...
Jack Handy: You two are under arrest for disturbing the peace and cock fighting. You're both in a sticky mess now!

* As Jack Handy leads the two men out of the room, telling them their miranda rights, Doc Wanker calls to them. *

Doc Wanker: Don't ever push your heads into my help group again! I am here to legitimately help these people reach a peak of excitement with kicking their habit, and you have to come in here and destroy it all!