|
|
Post by Troy & B&-y Meadows on Sept 28, 2011 8:25:56 GMT -5
Requiem for a dream by DJ Furious cuts on over the loud speakers as the lights dim and strobe lights begin to illuminate the sea of silent ongoers. The announcers fall silent as well as they have no clue as to what is going on or who is going to come out. After the tempo kicks fully into what would be expected as the first chorus a man walks out from behind the curtain looking like a punk rock wet dream. The man holds a mic in left hand and a hat tilted to the left side of his brow rests on his head softly as if going to fall off at any second. The hat is black with white writting on it that spells out "Meadows" matching his sleeveless shirt that shows his perfectly chiseled biceps and triceps. The man walks to the entrance way with a swagger almost looking somewhat cirppled to the main entrance stage as he brings the mic to his lips slowly and carefully. As the music still plays he begins to more or less sing.
I heard we gots a new King of Deathmatch champ on da show.
But I heard all the fans be saying "OH NO"
I heard he hung his competition and it wasn't no camera trick,
If it were me I'd hung him from mah dick.
H-Games was nice to ya Dom this is da case,
Cause if I woulda been in it that title would be unda mah face.
And dont get me wrong I be hearing what they say about you,
They sayin ya be sucking so much ya be drinking man goo.
Now dont think Im hatin just cause your da new King,
Im simply hatin cause ya ass is wack once ya get in da ring.
And Dow Jones I hear ya got a match dis week,
Goodluck son is all I can say cause ya already hitcha peak.
Ya goin no where kid ya hit the top of ya game,
And who eva steps in da ring wit me next Ill tell em da same.
Da names Meadows, Troy takes a his free hand not holding the mic softly across his name on his shirt showcasing it before returning it to his side and continuing.spelled with a Troy,
Im a man Mothafuka while da rest of ya just a boy.
So I come to ya'll with a lil hussle and flow,
And I bring it harda in da right and know all of ya'll KNOW.
Troy Meadows drops the mic onto the ground resulting in a loud thud sound which cries out from the loud speakers as he starts to back pedal slowly back towards the curtain he came out from as the music keeps playing. The crowd is completely silent most unsure as to who the man was and the rest in a silent awe as they arent sure if they want to worship his freestyle abilities and only hope he is just as good in the ring. The mixture of feelings about him all have one common thing. Everyone wants to see what he can do in the ring now. The camera cuts to the announce team as they look at each other unsure about what to say about what had just happened for a few seconds. The camera then switches back to Troy as he stands right at the curtain and a deep dark grin slowly but steadily washes over his face as if was watching a beautiful car wreck. The man then steps back behind the curtain and a few seconds later the music cuts off. The announcers still unsure what to say but the show must go on so they regain their composure and the night continues as planned.
EOT- Comments appreciated, sorry for weak ryhmes to start, It will take me a minute to get back into the art. And JamesNate heres the truth about the easy way out, Cena a jobber and there isnt a doubt.
|
|
|
|
Post by Dustin Delta on Sept 28, 2011 15:56:27 GMT -5
Making the crowd dead in a debut entrance can seem realistic, but there should at least be sounds of confusion. Think about it; they'd probably be looking to their friends/family asking questions. If you had no clue who Chris Jericho was in 1999, and music shut The Rock's promo up, I don't think you'd be dead silent. I've done song/rap promos before, and while I can understand using "da" and "ya" or others to make it more clear that it's a rap or that he sounds ghetto, it won't look good. Especially since the speaking parts are usually in different colors, like here. The eyes are instantly attracted to the blue, because it stands out. If somebody starts to read that blue first, that bad grammar and ghetto spelling will be their first impression of you. Last note, keep an eye on capitalization and some other things that should be done proper, i.e. "Requiem for a Dream" by DJ Furious. But other than that, nice work.
|
|
|
|
Post by Psychotic Circus on Sept 28, 2011 16:12:48 GMT -5
Dustin. I thought you were AWHOL? STFU AND GET AWAY FROM MY ROOKIES!
|
|
|
|
Post by Dustin Delta on Sept 28, 2011 16:17:02 GMT -5
Dustin. I thought you were AWHOL? STFU AND GET AWAY FROM MY ROOKIES! I'm not RPing anymore. I'll be around to comment on RPs and help book, new head of booking. *coughcough* I figure that even if I don't want to RP myself, I can help others. |
|
|
|
Post by Psychotic Circus on Sept 28, 2011 16:33:08 GMT -5
New head of booking, my flat ass!
|
|
|
|
Post by Dustin Delta on Sept 28, 2011 16:36:52 GMT -5
New head of booking, my flat ass! I was referring to you as the new head of booking. I was saying I could help. |
|
|
|
Post by Troy & B&-y Meadows on Sept 28, 2011 19:31:14 GMT -5
First things first Dustin you hold on to that base for me until I want it ok? CM Punk, is right.... he is the BEST in the world, and BRET was wrong cause PUNK is the best there is the best there was and the best there ever will be. Secondly there have been opening matches at live events that I WORKED person where the crowd was completely silent GIVE it was during a stupid segment where everyone was looking at who they were with like "Do you want to leave now or stick it out?" And YES you say the blue attracts the eye and the bad grammar is meant for you to learn the character. It did take me 2 hours to do this post after all. I did waffle back and forth on things trying to figure out if I wanted to just "SAY" he had a ghetto accent or show it. I do thank you for your comment and I dont mean to sound like im trying to start a fight. Not the case, simply letting you know like the character let Dom know.... Im going to come for what is rightfully mine  and theres not a thing you can do about it when I do. |
|
|
|
Post by Dustin Delta on Sept 28, 2011 20:37:12 GMT -5
First things first Dustin you hold on to that base for me until I want it ok? CM Punk, is right.... he is the BEST in the world, and BRET was wrong cause PUNK is the best there is the best there was and the best there ever will be. Secondly there have been opening matches at live events that I WORKED person where the crowd was completely silent GIVE it was during a stupid segment where everyone was looking at who they were with like "Do you want to leave now or stick it out?" And YES you say the blue attracts the eye and the bad grammar is meant for you to learn the character. It did take me 2 hours to do this post after all. I did waffle back and forth on things trying to figure out if I wanted to just "SAY" he had a ghetto accent or show it. I do thank you for your comment and I dont mean to sound like im trying to start a fight. Not the case, simply letting you know like the character let Dom know.... Im going to come for what is rightfully mine and theres not a thing you can do about it when I do. No, I will not give you CM Punk. I have no intentions of changing this base any time soon. And I can understand that crowds go dead in stupid segments, but you wrote that the crowd went silent BEFORE the "stupid" rap began. Also, I totally understand why you want the character to have a ghetto accent, but plain and simple 'da' and 'ya' and 'hitcha' all just are unappealing when reading. But other mannerisms, i.e. "It wasn't no camera trick" portray the ghetto accent without the stupid-looking 'da'. While I'm on the topic of unappealing, the blue is kind of hard to read...Maybe it's just me, but it hurts my eyes to read that. And I still believe that the way I lost KotDM is a cop out, considering Wolfie handed the title to herself in another character and I never actually got a KOTDM rematch as far as I can remember, so maybe it's rightfully mine. Who knows, maybe I'll return sometime soon to do something about it... No, I'm messing with you. Best of luck to you, Dom is a fierce competitor and he'll be hard to beat. |
|
|
|
Post by Troy & B&-y Meadows on Sept 28, 2011 23:39:50 GMT -5
Oh to be honest me "Picking" at Dom and Dow was out of laziness, I was asked to post my character before sunday or not be able to do anything for 2 weeks, so I used the news feed to pick at 2 random people. I am the guy who will go back to when you MADE your character and your first promo's and matches to dig up "dirt". An I swear to god Dustin you start sounding like Christian and Im gonna demand you come out of retirement so I can take you out in a buried alive match LOL. And picking at you about CM Punk base. Maybe if I snag a title I will use a known star til then Ill stick with one of the greatest underground rappers there is. And yeah thanks for the advice about the blue I will change it. Thinking about the black background it was a bad choice of color. And you can taste the difference between the words... YOU and YA, I wanted to leave that ignorant street trash in your mouth is why I choose to use the words I did.
|
|
|
|
Post by Nicholas Carson on Sept 28, 2011 23:51:40 GMT -5
Hey Troy. I'll throw my two cents in here. The blue font is hard to read but if it suits you then don't change it. Secondly, while Dustin's heart is in the right place in trying to help you, you should stick to whatever feels comfortable to you. It may be unpleasant for one to read, but if the reader gets the gist of what you are trying to relay then don't change it. Having fun is the key, and if you like writing your guy using "Da" and "hitcha", then I'm down with that and can only encourage you to keep it up.
Dustin I remember the Delta vs Masked Marader (aka Wolfie in disguise) vs Dreamer match, although I was not actively rp'ing in GHW. You all posted action posts in the match and the match was pretty good, but she beat you both no doubt about it. So I am not sure how the actual loss was a cop out. If you think about it, what she did was very Edge like LMAO, she basically cashed in on a match that you and Dreamer hadn't planned on having an extra opponent in. I do think once she got banned and was stripped of the KOTDM title you should have had the title given back to you since you were never given a proper rematch, or at least have you feud with someone for it like Dom.
In the words of Ryan Hughes... "Jus Saying'"
|
|
|
|
Post by Dustin Delta on Sept 29, 2011 8:19:11 GMT -5
Dustin I remember the Delta vs Masked Marader (aka Wolfie in disguise) vs Dreamer match, although I was not actively rp'ing in GHW. You all posted action posts in the match and the match was pretty good, but she beat you both no doubt about it. So I am not sure how the actual loss was a cop out. I was referring to Masked Marauder winning and being Matt Cassady, who then turned the title over to Wolfie. And I never got a KOTDM rematch, as a champion would usually be entitled to. |
|
|
|
Post by Public Enemies on Sept 29, 2011 10:54:26 GMT -5
And I never got a KOTDM rematch, as a champion would usually be entitled to. It was a unique case. Wolverina was fired after NeXuS V, but before RWB2011. Instead of your rematch (possibly against Shawn Dreamer), H-Games was destined to decide the new KotDM champion. Another part of the unique case, Dustin Delta was a FNC superstar (See OMG DRAFT 2011). As indicated, there were NO competitors from the FNC brand in the tournament since H-Games is and always will be a TNT specialty event. As well as KotDM is TNT exclusive. When The Masked Marauder won the KotDM title, it was transferred back to TNT. Quoth The Dragon: Well, I can't book the H-Games until the first round is decided.  It's gonna be on TNT, which kinda bones FNC for a couple weeks, but oh well. Dustin Delta has a point: He deserves a rematch. But, it's in Delta's hands to go after Dominik Santiago (or whoever the champion may become).
Now back to Troy... Hey Troy. I'll throw my two cents in here. The blue font is hard to read but if it suits you then don't change it. Secondly, while Dustin's heart is in the right place in trying to help you, you should stick to whatever feels comfortable to you. It may be unpleasant for one to read, but if the reader gets the gist of what you are trying to relay then don't change it. Having fun is the key, and if you like writing your guy using "Da" and "hitcha", then I'm down with that and can only encourage you to keep it up. Essentially, this is great advice to you, Troy. Carson is right about your comfort in your own writing. There are minuscule details that makes each one of us unique in our own styles. If you find it works, keep doing it. If for some reason you receive negative feelings about your writing style, look for minor improvements, but stick to what you know. Actually, most people (such as myself) take ideas of what they've seen from other members. EDIT: +Karma to Nicholas Carson. |
|
|
|
Post by Troy & B&-y Meadows on Sept 29, 2011 13:36:34 GMT -5
Thanks Alex, and Carson as well as Dustin. Your feedback is appreciated and under review. Please wait 7 to 10 business days for a personal response from our corporate representative. Anyway, I do think that regardless of if I change my structure for how the character talks written at least that those who HAVE or WILL read this will understand that he is butchering the English language more then anyone who competes in the pain Olympics butchers their genitalia. As for the blue it was an on the fly choice in coloring and obviously a poor one. It looks fine on my screen but your feed back has let me know its hard to read for others so out with the blue and onto another color.
As for Dustin. You have 2 people saying you deserve a rematch so either take it up with the booker or move on man. I dont mean to sound like a dick with that but honestly I am asking for feedback on my debut post not trying to stir a pot of controversy of a title that Im not going to get a match for anytime in the near future. When I do get a title shot I will stir the pot... IN CHARACTER of coarse.
Again thank you all for the input I have a direction i am going with this character and Dustin pull up a chair as I would hate for anyone to miss out on this.
|
|
and theres not a thing you can do about it when I do. 
It's gonna be on TNT, which kinda bones FNC for a couple weeks, but oh well.