Post by JD Elliott on Apr 7, 2011 18:49:43 GMT -5
THE CAMERA OPENS UP TO THE SW-oops caps lock. The camera opens up to the swimming pool, where it is deserted, well, I mean, except for the water and the wildlife AKA birds. A figure is seen gracefully diving into the water like an dolphin or a whale or a Michael Phelps. 3 minutes pass by and the figure emerges from the water onto the surface ground. Which that is weird. Why is it called the surface, when part of you is still under? Oh well. Anyways, it is just Jeff Daniel Elliott. Wait...it...it...JEFF DANIEL ELLIOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And stuff. He stares into the camera, causing my eyelids to explode, and starts to speak, but stops. Then he starts, but stops again. A bird flies near him and his attention turns to the bird. He then eats it. He turns back to the camera, feather stuck in his teeth, and begins to speak...
"I...Jeff Daniel Elliott, have taken the time out of my long workdays to read some viewer mail from the viewers who are viewing me right now. You hear that sound kiddies? I just got mail. Let's see who it is."
JD digs in his swimming trunks, but as the camera pans down, he is seen wearing jeans, and he pulls out an white, dry envelope. He stares at it and opens it, then begins to read the letter.
"Hi JD Elliott, when I watched your segment last week and I have to say. It was just...well. I don't know. I had to visit my doctor after seeing it due to me feeling ill. He said he had never seen such a case like it and began worrying for my health. Well, guess what? I died. So, yeah. Talk about awkward. Am I right or what? Haha. Good times. Anyways, my question for you is, paper or plastic? Love Tiffany from New York City, New York. P.S. I've entitled everything in my will to you. Well Tiffany, funny you should ask that question. I don't use paper OR plastic. I make the employees carry it out...to my home...an hour away or hotel. Anyways, funny you should mention that you are from New York City. That just reminds me...of how legit I am....and how legit a very special person in my life is."
JD looks down at his necklace which has a golden cross on the end of it.
"Frank Sinatra."
Out of nowhere, the opening to Frank Sinatra's "Theme From New York, New York" begins to play. A top hat appears on JD's head and a cane in his hand.
"START SPREADING THE NEWSSSSSSSS...
I'M LEAVING TODAYYYYYYYYYYYYY...
I WANT TO BE A PART OF IT!
NEW YORK!
NEW YORKK!"
JD then, like an African Tribal Warrior, throws the cane like a spear into the eyes of a near by rap star. Jay kay. He just threw it at their torso. GOT YOU FOOLED! EARLY APRIL FOOLS! Heh...man. Shoulda seen your face. You were like "OH WHAT" and I was like "GOT YOU FOOLED!" Remember? Oh the times we had together...anyways. JD is now drying himself off with a towel, still never breaks the soulless look in his eyes at the camera.
"Looks like we are out of time for 'Pool Time With Jeff Daniel Elliott.' I guess we'll have to pick up where we left off next time. So, see you never again! Well I mean...you will. If the Bald Eagle still hunts the Field Mouse of Spain, I'll still be showing up on your television as wet as always. In fact, wetter. Just for you. All moist and wet. Just for you. Wink."
JD starts walking off screen, but soon stops.
"I don't remember this bear being here."
DUN DUN DUNNNN! Will JD survive this encounter with the rare Poolside Polar Bear? Or will JD fall short of his first ever win in GHW? Only time will tell.
To Be Continued.....never.
"I...Jeff Daniel Elliott, have taken the time out of my long workdays to read some viewer mail from the viewers who are viewing me right now. You hear that sound kiddies? I just got mail. Let's see who it is."
JD digs in his swimming trunks, but as the camera pans down, he is seen wearing jeans, and he pulls out an white, dry envelope. He stares at it and opens it, then begins to read the letter.
"Hi JD Elliott, when I watched your segment last week and I have to say. It was just...well. I don't know. I had to visit my doctor after seeing it due to me feeling ill. He said he had never seen such a case like it and began worrying for my health. Well, guess what? I died. So, yeah. Talk about awkward. Am I right or what? Haha. Good times. Anyways, my question for you is, paper or plastic? Love Tiffany from New York City, New York. P.S. I've entitled everything in my will to you. Well Tiffany, funny you should ask that question. I don't use paper OR plastic. I make the employees carry it out...to my home...an hour away or hotel. Anyways, funny you should mention that you are from New York City. That just reminds me...of how legit I am....and how legit a very special person in my life is."
JD looks down at his necklace which has a golden cross on the end of it.
"Frank Sinatra."
Out of nowhere, the opening to Frank Sinatra's "Theme From New York, New York" begins to play. A top hat appears on JD's head and a cane in his hand.
"START SPREADING THE NEWSSSSSSSS...
I'M LEAVING TODAYYYYYYYYYYYYY...
I WANT TO BE A PART OF IT!
NEW YORK!
NEW YORKK!"
JD then, like an African Tribal Warrior, throws the cane like a spear into the eyes of a near by rap star. Jay kay. He just threw it at their torso. GOT YOU FOOLED! EARLY APRIL FOOLS! Heh...man. Shoulda seen your face. You were like "OH WHAT" and I was like "GOT YOU FOOLED!" Remember? Oh the times we had together...anyways. JD is now drying himself off with a towel, still never breaks the soulless look in his eyes at the camera.
"Looks like we are out of time for 'Pool Time With Jeff Daniel Elliott.' I guess we'll have to pick up where we left off next time. So, see you never again! Well I mean...you will. If the Bald Eagle still hunts the Field Mouse of Spain, I'll still be showing up on your television as wet as always. In fact, wetter. Just for you. All moist and wet. Just for you. Wink."
JD starts walking off screen, but soon stops.
"I don't remember this bear being here."
DUN DUN DUNNNN! Will JD survive this encounter with the rare Poolside Polar Bear? Or will JD fall short of his first ever win in GHW? Only time will tell.
To Be Continued.....never.
occ: I've got a lot of free time. Wink. Also, this post, minus the occ, is 666 words! Spooky ghost town.[/size]
