Wolverina vs Kahlan (Television Title)

[Jaggeroth's wench.]

"Kick in the Teeth", a new tune to usher in the Queen of Wrestling, blares over the speakers to signal the start of the second match of the night. The fans cheer like crazy as Wolverina charges out from behind the curtain dressed in her usual American Gladiatoress ring attire and is carrying a small baggie.



"The following contest is for one fall and is for the GHW Television Championship. Introducing first, needing no introduction..... you know who she is... your princess.... WOLVERINA!"

As always the People's Princess is sporting a brilliantly bright, highly dimpled smile as she energetically pumps up the fans on her way down the ramp. As she stops to mingle with a few, a young girl's sign catches her eye and Haven laughs. The Greatest Female Fighty fighty person of all Time pulls the nearest camera close to her and the fan, and points to the sign with a snarky little expression on her face. Everyone gets a chuckle out of it too, as it reads "I CAME TO SEE KAHLAN NO SHOW!!!!"...

"And for the second week in a row Wolverina comes out first instead of the challenger. One of these days Kahlan is going to be bored and actually come out here and fight."
"I don't see that happening anytime soon though."

Wolfie gives the girl a high five and hug before parting ways and entering the ring, where she pops up and does her trademark crucifix pose with smile and wink. From there, though, she grabs a mic as her new theme music dies down.

"For those of you, well all of you, who expect Kahlan to no show you're wrong. She will show up. I have plans A through C plotted and there's no way you fine fans will go home tonight angry and disappointed over Kahlan's continued cowardice. See, I stole something very near and dear to her from her dressing room earlier and if she doesn't come out here and wrestle me, then I'll put it on display for the whole world to see. And if all else fails, I have a Snickers candy bar in case I'm not going to be going anywhere for awhile like last week. So, Kahlan, what's it gonna be? You've got 30 seconds to get out here. Come on!"

The crowd tries to urge the Ladder Queen on, but after 30 seconds there's no Kahlan to be seen. Haven, wasting no time at all, pulls out a cocaine flavored penis shaped popsicle and waves it threateningly at the area where Kahlan should be emerging from. Still no Ladder Queen. Taking more desperate measures, the Nebraskan peels the wrapper off of the delicious treat and slowly brings it to her mouth.

"Kahlan, damn you, I'll eat it I swear I will. Get your butt on out here."

The spectators are loving it and when not cheering are laughing their collective asses off. Then, suddenly, to their surprise and Wolfie's too, "A Cut Above the Rest" cranks up which would bring forth the Brit Blitz. Haven quickly discards the treat and takes a very serious look and stance as all wait for the blue haired dynamo to come out. But then, after several seconds of drama building theatrics, the same midget version of Kahlan from EVPW comes out dressed in a kite costume. The fans quickly pick up on the symbolic nature of it, seeing as Kahlan has been labeled a drug user in the past by many, which would mean she's in constant state of being "high as a kite". None the less, it's a big hit, the crowd is loving it.

"Man oh man if Kahlan sees this Wolverina is going to have hell to pay!"
"What are you talking about? Kahlan is right there. She's coming down the ramp hahahaha."

"Ummm and uh.. umm... introducing next.. ummm Kahlan? Yeah, Kahlan, damn I'm trippin'"

To keep mini Kahlan from hurting herself like she did in EVPW, Haven swiftly exits the ring and pulls out the plastic toy two feet tall ladder, then safely escorts it into the ring and politely sets it up for her. However, Kahlan seems hesitant to join her, prompting the Queen of Extreme to grab the popsicle and place it on top of the ladder, before slowly backing away with mic in hand.

"Bout time you showed up. No sense in being timid now, come on, I'm not going to ambush you. I didn't want to steal your treat, but you gave me no choice. Have at it. Climb that ladder like you do so well, and sit on it like you do all the boss man cock, then scarf that delicious druggie treat you pathetic sperm spittoon."

Haven's harsh tongue somehow makes the fans love her even more, and cheer they do, at the very tippie tops of their lungs. Moments linger by before, finally, Kahlan takes the bait and scrambles comically into the squared hell and climbs the ladder with eye popping speed. Once atop the device of her excellence, she devours the treat in one giant bite, forgoing any seductive value that could have been produced by the item. Then, like the sneaky one she is, Kahlan suddenly launches into flight toward Haven. The Cutie Pie Cornhusker sees in plenty of time though and catches her in a carrying cradle position, then begins to tickle her silly, causing the mini Kahlan to giggle madly so much that her body loses control and a wet spot appears on the front of her baggy mini-jeans.

"Hahah ok ok this is too much. Funny, but just too much."
"Oh whatever Fuzz. We gotta entertain the fans somehow in a Kahlan match. Lord knows Kahlan can't do it."

TBCB Kahlan. Check your PM ;D

[Brad Windsor]

The real Kahlan, the 5’7 tall, 122Ibs of the feisty GHW original appears from behind the curtains. The Ladder Queens’ brows are knitted together into a menacing frown that averts the bravest of the eyes. She marches out across the stage and through the thick of the crowd on her way towards Wolverina and the ring. As she approaches, her small imposter is dropped to the canvas where she lands momentarily sprawled out before making a hasty escape out of the square’s confines.

Al: Oh…MY… GOD! HERE COMES THE ANGRY BIRD!

Kahlan’s quick un-rhythmical steps elevate her onto the apron where she nimbly slips through the ropes. With a few strides Kahlan walks right up to Wolverina, face to face. There is a moment of stand still where finally the two women are inside the ring once again, and then Kahlan roughly shoves the Extreme Queen. The provocative gesture hangs around for a brief tense minute as Wolverina stays half turned away from Kahlan in the post-push dishevelled state, but suddenly the self-proclaimed best female Fighty fighty person of all time charges with fury. Kahlan however, retreats just as quickly holding her hands up to still the aggressive diva. The plea works and Wolfie stops at the centre of the ring. Still holding her hands up, Kahlan walks around her to the other side where she leans out over the ropes to demand something. This appears to be a microphone which she snatches.

“Wolverina...”

THUMP!

The microphone in Kahlan’s hand gets smacked into the crown of Wolverina’s head and falls to the canvas as she stumbles. Kahlan herself turns to take a dash towards the ropes and to bounce back to leap and crash into the disoriented figure of Wolverina though a massive Cross-body. Kahlan snaps back to her feet and turns to the referee.

Fuzz: No! This can’t happen this way. Surely the match can’t be started now.
Al: Well Wolverina was quite determined for this match to happen. Now that Kahlan is finally here, I don’t see why not!
Fuzz: BUT-

The bell rings to officially signal the start of the contest for the Television title. Kahlan pulls the already halfway up Wolverina to her feet and dips low to lift her up onto one shoulder. She carries her to a corner and drops her onto the top turnbuckle. Wolverina is helpless as she is punched in the face while seated atop the highest point in the square, groggy and dazed watching Kahlan climb couple of turnbuckles. When Kahlan is well positioned she lifts Wolfie up to a crouched state so she can hook an arm around her neck. With one smooth heave Kahlan lifts the Television champion up and over her head as she falls backwards towards the canvas. The huge landing collision rattles the former Queen of Extreme to her very marrow of her bones, and she is left writhing in unimaginable pain. The ache in her lower back and upper spine causes Wolverina to arch her back thrashing her limbs about. Kahlan herself doesn’t seem to be doing much better either. In her hurry to execute the Super-Suplex the back of Kahlan’s head had experienced a sick whiplash, which has now left her in agony.

Eventually, spurred on through the cheering of a well hyped up audience Kahlan wills herself to rise up, albeit with a hand nursing the back of her head. Her opponent is sprawled out still suffering the effects of the Super-Suplex. Kahlan, ever opportunistic sees her chance and throws herself all over Wolverina. Smack! Smack! Smack! To Kahlan’s utter disbelief the referee holds up only two fingers, even though he had counted a three, or it seemed he had. Apparently Wolverina’s kick out had been just in time. The fans’ collective gasp followed by intense clapping indicates to as much. Kahlan now sits back running her hands through her disarrayed, distinct blue hair flabbergasted. Through her wide eyed expression it’s not hard to read the surprise and maybe slight doubt. Slowly but surely she overcomes her state of shock and sets about getting up and moving towards a corner. She climbs the turnbuckles for the second time in just a few minutes, this time to the very top and stands up tall facing away from the ring. The move fires a wave of excitement through the crowd as they anticipate what is to come next. The one and only Ladder Queen crouches and leaps off into a backflip to come crashing down on Wolverina, only to miss her by a few feet. The Television Champion had enough sense left in her to roll out of the way leaving Kahlan to hit the solid mat front first. The misfortunate landing of Kahlan presents Wolverina with the much needed time to recuperate and fight back into this contest.

Fuzz: Wow Wolverina just managed to escape the Supernova! This could be a crucial turning point in this match up. Up to this point Kahlan had dominated but now it is anybody’s game.
Al: To be honest with you I didn’t believe Kahlan would turn up after what she said last week. Apparently she had persuaded the board of directors about not having to face Wolverina ever again but Mr Graves seems to be totally oblivious to the threats and treaties made everywhere. He gives the final word and he isn’t shy about letting it be heard.

Somewhat recovered from the initial onslaught, Wolverina is the first to get to her feet. Her opponent is still down cussing her miss-landing. She walks over to her and leans down to help her up only to hook an arm around her head. Via digging into the canvas Wolverina lifts Kahlan up to a near horizontal position then slams her front first onto the mat. If Kahlan’s face and chest wasn’t bruised from the earlier fall, it certainly is now. Repeating the process of aiding her up, this time Wolfie sends Kahlan on her way to the ropes where she bounces back just to be picked and slammed spine first from a Spine-Buster. Not completely satisfied, Wolverina brings Kahlan up for a third consecutive time. Kahlan is doubled over through a vicious kick, whipped about whilst her neck is hooked via a front-face-lock into a reversed three-quarter-face-lock and she is brought down with her neck snapping back onto Wolverina’s shoulder as she drops onto her knees.

Following up the sickly modified neck-breaker Wolverina steps out from inside the ring to the outside apron and sets about climbing the turnbuckles from the outside. She reaches the top, stretches to her full height and jumps off to land an elbow into the cold hart of her nemesis. This is where Wolfie decides enough is enough and acts to end the match by pinning Kahlan. Kahlan Kicks out escaping the near fall. Not the slightest bit disappointed Wolfie re-launches her offence through a few stiff strikes into Kahlan’s features whiles she is still down. She then grabs a fistful of that beautiful blue hair and pulls Kahlan up. As meanly as she can be Wolfie tucks K’s head in-between the legs and hooks each of Kahlan’s hands behind her back. They remain in this state for a few more seconds than necessary, allowing Wolverina to forcefully exercise her dominance before she lifts Kahlan up through her hold onto her arms. Kahlan is flipped upwards onto Wolfie’s shoulders for a brief moment prior the momentum which takes her down helping her opponent to slam her onto her neck and shoulders. Remaining as she is Wolverina continues to press down by lifting Kahlan’s legs onto her shoulders so much as Kahlan’s knees are jammed into her breasts as she lays on her back.

Fuzz: ONE! TWO! THREE- Another near fall escape from Kahlan! Man that was close! Wolverina really has this match in her control. After the initial surprise attack by Kahlan, Wolverina have been hitting Kahlan with a lot of heavy blows. How much more can she possibly take before she is finished?
Al: We are on a brink of a historic night. Wolverina was so close but yet so far. Can she finally defeat Kahlan in a one on one bout? It sure looks like it!

Wolverina continues with the barrage. She punches Kahlan into a corner and traps her between the intersection of ropes and her heavy punches. Now and again the blows pile up to drop Kahlan onto her tushy, which results into Wolfie to switch from strikes to stomps until she gets tired and drags Kahlan back up for another round. The process continues for several rounds. Eventually Wolfie turns to coil an arm around Kahlan’s neck into a side-head-lock and runs out to jump for a Bulldog. However, Kahlan at last counters by placing a hand on Wolfie’s small of her back and pushes her off of her. Wolverina quickly springs back to her feet and swings about to face Kahlan only to-

Fuzz: GOODNESS GRACIOUS! Kahlan hits Wolverina with her own finisher! The Super-kick right out of nowhere!
Al: COME ONE! COVER HER!

Doing exactly as Al had suggested Kahlan covers the Television Champion.

"ONE!"

"TWO!"

The major “YEA!” screams throughout the entire arena suggests to the fact that Wolverina manages to lift a shoulder in the very last instant, once again leaving Kahlan’s jaw hanging. The ladder Queen looks around her in disgust. A few expressions swim across her facial features one after the other until a sad disappointment conquers them all. Kahlan begins to cry. The Ladder Queen, the woman who blew up Stone Orchard all by herself actually begins to cry out of frustration. Suddenly she slaps the canvas with anger and rolls out of the ring. She marches over to the time keeper’s corner to grab and fold a steel chair. On her return into the ring the referee confronts her by grabbing the Steel and pulling it out of Kahlan’s hands. This happens to be the final straw for Kahlan instantly jumps up to smash both her feet into the flat of the chair which is in turn smacked into the face of the referee and knocks him over. As the official falls the chair is dropped out of his grasp and Kahlan picks it up. As cruelly as only she can be she smashes the downed referee in the skull and instantly splits his head open, leaving a dent into the chair in the process. There are a few cheers from the crowd for the violent act but the majority are left aghast.

Fuzz: OH-MY-GOD! Not only did Kahlan disqualify herself but she broke the referee’s head! She attacked the referee! Can she do that?
Al: At this moment in time I don’t think there is anything to stop her from doing any of this. Kahlan’s frustration has gotten the best of her and she has lost control. I don’t think she is thinking clearly!
Fuzz: We need medics!

Just as Kahlan straightens from delivering the vicious chair-shot Wolverina gets up. The Queen of Extreme takes a step towards Kahlan-

BANG!

The sound of a second hellacious chair-shot, this one to the crown of Wolverina’s skull rings around the arena. Just then a man wearing a zebra-striped coloured shirt runs out from behind the entrance curtains and crosses over the stage towards the ring. A few seconds go by while the people start to notice his entrance and the identity of this new referee.

Fuzz: Is that-is that-
Al: SHAWN DREAMER! HOLY-
Fuzz: WHAT!? NO, THIS CAN’T BE HAPPENING! What the hell is he doing here!

Dreamer slides into the ring after a speedily dash and as he is sliding Kahlan drops the chair to cover Wolverina. Dreamer comes to a stop and starts to slap the canvas. The fans count with each slap.

“ONE!”

“TWO!”

“THREE!”

Fuzz: NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!
Al: This is GENIUS! I can’t quite believe it! Did Kahlan just beat Wolverina again!?

Coors: Ladies and Gentlemen, the winner of this match and your NEW Television Champion KAHLAN!

Shawn is already out of the ring hunting down the title. He snatches it out of the time keeper’s hands and comes back sliding into the ring to hand it over to Kahlan. Then he raises the victor's arm up once for everyone to see. Mayhem breaks loose; officials and medics rush over from backstage with stretchers and before they can get to the ring both Kahlan and Shawn slip out. They go up the ramp and pass the men with the stretchers on their way to backstage. Out on top of the ramp however, Kahlan stops to turn to the ring and the sprawled out Wolverina. The last image the fans get to see is the wickedest smirk plastered across the face of the Ladder Queen before she turns and disappears beyond the curtain with the TV title draped over her shoulder.

END