Post by Cletus & Big Jim on Nov 17, 2012 22:06:42 GMT -5
The sequence opens looking down an old logging road. Small saplings lean out over the ruts in the earth, while proud pines stand sentinel as far as can be seen. In the distance, approaching the camera, is a team of horses, drawing a high, canvas-covered, load. The tinkling of harness and rigging are heard and the steam rolling out of the beast’s nostrils is evident. As they near the viewer, the driver, a bald old man with one eye and a scruffy beard, comes into view. He hops from his perch to the ground, his belly flapping under a set of grease-stained long johns, and, taking the reins with him, he directs the mares around a bend in the road with a series of nonsensical interjections.
GEE! HAW! HAW THERE BESS! WHOA NAN! GEE! GEE!
As the wagon turns, it is now apparent that Cletus and Big Jim were riding on the back of it. They disembark, and begin walking up the road, toward camera.
They said we were children, but they were the ones left in tears. They said they would go through us, but here we stand. They said we’d be humbled, but we are the #1 contenders for the tag team title. Legion, you might have had it all together in training, but when you step in the ring with the Logging Crew, you had best not mistake a goat's beard for a fine stallion’s tail.
Big Jim is once again in a dark place…looking at a blood-stained pulp hook, before wiping it on his pants
They thought nothing could hurt them...thought they was tougher than a boiled owl…but we left 'em crying and bleeding… like a couple of virgins in a whorehouse…
He starts to come out of whatever remembrance he’s currently entertaining himself with
Speaking of "Legion", them two, they’d be better off playing cards with them old geezers down at the “Legion", they might be able to handle that…
Cletus nods in agreement
You want to try again, we’re easy to find, but I suggest you keep your eyes on Vicious Vince. They say that you can put a wolverine in a wood chipper, but you won’t make maple syrup, but damned if ol’ Vince didn’t try last week. If he has his way, I doubt we’ll ever see the Legion again.
Big Jim squares to the camera
As for you Milson…You hold every belt in this here place…No one wants to see that anymore! How long have you held them belts, eh? Who the hell you think you are? Verne Gagne on the juice? Some of the dumber crowd might say good on ya, job well done, congratulations…I say shame on this promotion! Only reason you had them belts so long is you lads ain’t ever had any real competition, until now at least… It’s been too long Cletus, things are getting stagnant here…it’s rotten…kinda smells like someone threw a skunk carcass down the shithouse…
That’s right Jimmy; Milson and Simpson are the longest reigning tag team champions in GHW history, but anyone can tell you that nothing lasts forever. Rest assured that when we get those titles, we’ll be headin’ straight to Mosie Doran’s on the Station Road. We’ll hawk the gold for scrap and have us a helluva time, drinkin’ Hermit’s wine and feastin’ on balony n’ beans!
Jim starts to zone out again and begins sniffing the air
Victory…It’s so close I can smell it…like a cow moose in heat…
The Logging Crew stroll off-screen as Cletus sings a manipulated version of The Cruel Mother
GEE! HAW! HAW THERE BESS! WHOA NAN! GEE! GEE!
As the wagon turns, it is now apparent that Cletus and Big Jim were riding on the back of it. They disembark, and begin walking up the road, toward camera.
They said we were children, but they were the ones left in tears. They said they would go through us, but here we stand. They said we’d be humbled, but we are the #1 contenders for the tag team title. Legion, you might have had it all together in training, but when you step in the ring with the Logging Crew, you had best not mistake a goat's beard for a fine stallion’s tail.
Big Jim is once again in a dark place…looking at a blood-stained pulp hook, before wiping it on his pants
They thought nothing could hurt them...thought they was tougher than a boiled owl…but we left 'em crying and bleeding… like a couple of virgins in a whorehouse…
He starts to come out of whatever remembrance he’s currently entertaining himself with
Speaking of "Legion", them two, they’d be better off playing cards with them old geezers down at the “Legion", they might be able to handle that…
Cletus nods in agreement
You want to try again, we’re easy to find, but I suggest you keep your eyes on Vicious Vince. They say that you can put a wolverine in a wood chipper, but you won’t make maple syrup, but damned if ol’ Vince didn’t try last week. If he has his way, I doubt we’ll ever see the Legion again.
Big Jim squares to the camera
As for you Milson…You hold every belt in this here place…No one wants to see that anymore! How long have you held them belts, eh? Who the hell you think you are? Verne Gagne on the juice? Some of the dumber crowd might say good on ya, job well done, congratulations…I say shame on this promotion! Only reason you had them belts so long is you lads ain’t ever had any real competition, until now at least… It’s been too long Cletus, things are getting stagnant here…it’s rotten…kinda smells like someone threw a skunk carcass down the shithouse…
That’s right Jimmy; Milson and Simpson are the longest reigning tag team champions in GHW history, but anyone can tell you that nothing lasts forever. Rest assured that when we get those titles, we’ll be headin’ straight to Mosie Doran’s on the Station Road. We’ll hawk the gold for scrap and have us a helluva time, drinkin’ Hermit’s wine and feastin’ on balony n’ beans!
Jim starts to zone out again and begins sniffing the air
Victory…It’s so close I can smell it…like a cow moose in heat…
The Logging Crew stroll off-screen as Cletus sings a manipulated version of The Cruel Mother
O, Milson, Milson, for your sin,
All alone and a lonely,
Heaven’s gate you shall not enter in.
All down by the greenwood sidey.
There is a fire hot beyond hell`s gate,
All alone and a lonely,
And there you shall burn both early and late.
All down by the greenwood sidey.
All alone and a lonely,
Heaven’s gate you shall not enter in.
All down by the greenwood sidey.
There is a fire hot beyond hell`s gate,
All alone and a lonely,
And there you shall burn both early and late.
All down by the greenwood sidey.