Legend of Drunken Butcher...

[gnarfflinger]

Gnarfflinger the Butcher had a few too many beers after his match one night, and went through the parking lot in hopes of finding a cab. He decided he has to pee, so he looks for an out of the way spot. He settles for a tire of a fancy looking car. A Black Phantom Rolls Royce to be exact.

Driver: Please sir, don't do that here, the owner will kill me.

GtB: Can you hold that thought? I really gotta piss like a race horse...

Gnarfflinger begins to do his business...

Driver: That is Dirk "the Jerk" Grey's personal Rolls Royce!

GtB: How is ol' Dirky these days? Did he ever get his head out of his...

Driver: Please, Sir, you are defiling his precious automobile!

GtB: Defiling? *Finishes his business and zips up*, Would this also defile the car? *kicks the car leaving a dent in the front corner panel*

The Driver protests, and reaches for a Cell phone.

Driver: Hello? Police please...

Gnarfflinger then grabs the driver and smashes his head through a window. He leaves the driver to bleed all over the driver seat while takning the keys from the driver. He then scratches "Dirk is Gay" into the side of the car. He then looks into the back seat of the vehicle. At this time he vomits all over the back seat...

At this point, the police arrive.

Cop: All right, Freeze!

GtB: Naw, it's too warm for that...

Cop: Hands where I can see them.

Gnarf raises his hands...

Cop: *Takes keys from the Butcher* You been drinking?

GtB: You figure that out all by yourself?

Cop: And about to drive?

GtB: No, just stopping him from driving, he's in worse shape than me...

Cop: And the paint scratches in the side of his car?

GtB: He was having trouble finding the key hole...

Cop: Blow into the breathalyzer please...

GtB: *pointing to his crotch* Blow on this breathalyzer, bitch!

Cop: That's it, you're coming with me...

The officer then arrests the Butcher and halls him off to the drunk tank...

Thread: can be continued if you want, but I'm out. Anyone wants me, I'll be in the drunk tank at jail. If Dirk wants to respond here, go ahead, but you can catch me at the jail...

[derekblackcroft]

The Jerk is seen walking back to the GHW Parking Lot after a long day at work. He opens one of the double doors to the Parking Lot, and sees a police car up ahead parked next to his Rolls Royce. The Jerk walks up to the scene very aggravated. He sees the unconscious driver with dried blood all over his face unconscious on the ground. He sees his tire is wet, and "Dirk is Gay" is keyed into the side of the car. He looks inside, and sees blood on one seat with the window smashed open on that same side, and vomit on the one behind it. He then walks to the front with a desperate, and angry look on his face, and sees the dent. He then walks over to the police who is writing in a small notebook.

"WHAT HAPPENED HERE?"

Cop: Apparently, some man named Gnarfflinger did all of this, and attacked your driver. One of my men took him down to the station. You can go down there to get the legal documents that you can use to get your lawyer to use if you are fining him.

"The Jerk will certainly do that."

The Jerk starts walking around his car in a slow motion, in a desperate look of despair.

"The Jerk's baby..."

Cop: Sir?

The Jerk then snaps out of his trance.

"Where will it be taken to for repairs?"

Cop: A automobile shop called Big Chuck's Kar Fixins'.

The Jerk looks at him like he is a complete idiot.

"No, it will certainly not be taken there. Listen, The Jerk will give you the number to his lawyer. You call him, and tell him whatever city we are in. He will tell you what time The Jerk's people will be over. His name is Darby Commonwealth. Just tell him what happened, and that it is here, he will know what to do."

The Jerk takes one last look at his car, and starts to walk off as the Cop says something else.

Cop: What about this man here?

The Jerk just continues walking, and doesn't stop, and doesn't stop to speak.

"The Jerk doesn't care what you do to him. He isn't employed by The Jerk. Throw him in the dump for all The Jerk cares."

The Jerk then is seen walking onto the streets, and getting a taxi.

*End of Thread*